Unbecoming 11/11

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Today I did something revolutionary in the name of freedom and what that means to me. I turned out a shiny, attractive job proposition, which on the surface looked like it was presented to me on a golden platter with all the right words, smiles and figures, but it lacked something. I sensed the falsity of it all, it lacked depth, soul, I might say. I could see beyond the masks of those sitting opposite me seemingly smiling yet the vibrations of impatience, irritation, hypocrisy slapped me in the face as I questioned them on each point they tried to sell me. Perhaps, none of that was intended and they were simply doing what they always do but I was different. I just didn’t buy it, I didn’t get seduced even though it tapped into my success signature, which is the happiest place for me.

Today I said no to a new shiny ‘prison’ disguised as a bright promise of riches and opportunities. It felt as if I was tempted into a golden cage, but my body felt twisted and tight every time I imagined being in that cage. The knot in my stomach and a heavy weight on my chest brought a sick feeling into me and restricted my breathing. I felt fear, panic, anxiety like before something deeply unpleasant was about to happen. I fought against it and as I stripped myself off yet another old layer I chose freedom. And as I said no to it I came into peace and a relief beyond belief. What other sign does one need? ‘Never go against the feeling’ – my father said to me today to my surprise. It was wonderful to hear him say that, which also meant we aligned on a much deeper level and what a blessing. ‘Never go against the feeling” is something I have always believed and knew within but not often said out loud as I walked through a life full of multiple cages. Now I can safely say the only way to know is to trust the feeling/ intuition and going against it equals going against the knowing of the soul.

I feel like I am unbecoming and remaining empowered on the inside. I also feel like I’ve passed the test of false and somewhat ugly temptation wrapped up in gold.

Only when you say no the real truth is often revealed. Something shifts and exposes from inside out, there’s a release and all the masks fall off. I want my life to be my life. I don’t want to sacrifice my soul in the process of reaching my dreams and dreams I shall realise one steady step at a time.

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A letter to myself

inner wisdom

I opened a letter today, which I stored in a safe place back in May this year. A letter from the Goddess to myself, from my wise-self, from my inner voice and spirit. I felt it was the right time to open it up and read it again and, as always, the timing has turned out to be just right for the messages, which go beautifully with the process of re-birth, re-integration, release and grounding in life.

“Dear Natalia,

Oh, why so sad, impatient, grumpy? Where is the light of softness? What are you being and becoming?

Help is all around you. Love is all around you

An embrace of your son. A reassuring chest of your husband.

I am also here always out and in.

What are your convictions, priorities, morals? What is the core of your religion?

You find and settle on that and you will find peace.”

This reminds yet again to take myself back to what I have right now and what is essential vs non-essential.

Have a blessed day!

Transformation after a dark night of the soul

post-darkness comes light, with death comes re-birth. For everyone, who had been struggling in recent months and this year on the whole, this might bring some hope

RAW PAGAN

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My experience has always been that transformation, upgrade, growth comes after a period of darkness of the soul. The darker and deeper the drop the more profound the transformation. It is, however, not easy to realise or get to the other side and comes with practice. There are often steps to follow.

The first one is awareness of light and dark within you, a true connection to both energies within your psyche. Both need to be known intimately, accepted, befriended and experienced. I frequently say that the best awareness comes from repeat lived experience and real life examples. Think of yourself in your ‘dark’ cloak. What does that look and feel like? Is there a clear image of yourself, in what voice and language that side speaks, what does it usually do, what its preferred or default way of behaving. Get to know it, notice, befriend and learn from it…

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2017 re-birth period affirmations and resolutions

new year resolutions

~ no more retreating into darkness

~ engage and practice magic every day

~ honour and let go off the past

~ let water heal you

~ let fire warm you

~ worship your body

~ smile more

~ less noise, more silence

~ less reaction, more peace

~ less idleness, more productivity

~ read more

~ let go off all control

~ you are not always responsible

~ let the Goddess guide you

~ ask for help

~ remember the cup of abundance

~ work on your dreams

~ renew with each cycle

~ do things differently

~ less voice, more heart

~ connect through presence and meaning

~ be grateful for all you have here and now

Blessed be!

Post-Samhain

samhain 2017

The energy of stillness and quiet is present today post-Samhain and it is so soothing to the mind, body and spirit after the turbulence of the last couple of months raw with angry and sorrowful depression, days filled with anxious hours and feeling completely bereft of love. There were many points during the ‘die off’ period when I thought there would be no relief from twisting, reforming and restructuring of all that I call life. It truly feels like a process of rebirth this year.

There is no coincidence that it is my birthday in a few days and so I have a ‘real’ chance to be born again. My birthday this year also feels very significant, which is not something that comes up every year. It is truly a moment of transition for me. It carries a sense of some profound change, not simply a way of letting go off the old, but really stepping into a state of being new. The transformation this year is manifesting through the element of Water (the birth element of November) where healing plays a huge part. It is not the usual Fire regeneration and rebirth. What is occurring ‘post-death’ is a state of cleansed and new straight out of the Earth womb. I am also being connected to the Moon in a very strong way and it is going to be a Full Moon on my birthday this year and I intend to engage with it, which, again, is new for me. I have some magical workings planned and one of the callings with this rebirth is to step into my power, really feel it as I am being born into the new, and embrace exactly what I can do. It fills me with energy, which I can only describe as excited knowing and quiet wisdom.

Today, on the 1st November I am also clearing out my altar to simplify the space to allow for that new and shiny energy to come in and settle. I crave everything simple, bare, white, pure and light. It is a new beginning for me and I will be writing a dedication, devotional offering to the Goddess of wisdom and all life, Ceilleach, to ask her to take me into her cave of rebirth and guide me on the journey of connection to my new self and generating relationships going forward based on love, kindness, dignity and compassion.

Wishing you blessed future and Happy Celtic New Year!

Detachment 

Reblogging, as the theme of love and attachment is very potent right now. Many find the side of love that is imprisonment and not freedom…

RAW PAGAN


Let’s talk about detachment – a process of letting go off something or someone you previously imagined simply impossible to let go off for the fear of disappearing into oblivion. Possession and control are not heart centred, it is fear driven and fed by insecurity of being. In order to understand detachment and experience it successfully in a way beneficial to all one must look within and allow for the process of healing, integration and transformation to occur. For some it happens fast for others it takes a life time.

Open up your awareness to a possibility of freedom like you never felt before… Where are you in the process towards letting go off attachment which has a hold on you and threatens to leave you barren should everything fall away. This applies to physical possessions, jobs, people, ideas, beliefs.

Love is all expansive. It is free in its core…

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