It has been quite turbulent and dark times in the last few weeks and I am still very much under the ‘influence’ of this period of time between a build up to Samhain and post- Samhain experience of this reality. Things are foggy, the body is heavy and achy, and there is a feeling of something not quite right. One might say a feeling of doom and gloom, but not in a dramatic way of ‘this is it’, but in a way of being not here or there, not knowing what is coming, unpleasant, uncomfortable.
The energy of ‘death’ is still around as the garden gets filled with more and more fallen leaves. The weather is turning and with the rotting of the leaves the process of churning and ‘decomposing’ begins to seep into the Earth. With that my body twists and turns with pain and discomfort, hot and cold, foggy mind as if it’s been veiled to obscure the light. It is unpleasant, scary and deeply sad. This is the energy of loss, grief and death for all that once existed. I feel it deep in my muscles and bones. I begin to crave summer intensely today which talks of my resistance to descent into the dark corners of my psyche, to places where deep sorrow resides. It is a journey of the season, of the wheel of life and it deserves full respect and attention, as no matter what one can’t run away from the natural flow of life. We enter the underworld where lights go on and we go deeper into the awareness of death.
This feeling manifested in my body physically. The feeling of ‘dying’. This never happened to me before and it felt new, unknown, very strange and quite scary. As I am highly empathic I began picking up energies from others a couple of days before Samhain. I guess I dropped my guard for a while and was unaware of being saturated with other people’s emotions and physical sensations. Just when you think you have found ways of navigating the empathic state, something like this comes. First it was a client, who overwhelms me with her energy and then it was a close relative, who is facing death. There is a purpose, however, to upgrade my understanding of my own abilities and let me know there is much more that needs doing and also to let me experience something, perhaps, I was not aware of previously or thought I knew, but didn’t. Very valuable lesson.
One of the deities of the season is the Crone Goddess and I have always been fond of her, but this time it was less about her as a whole, but more about the aspect of Death specifically. The cold, empty, fall into a space type of disappearing, which I am trying to get my head around still. What I was sensing was that she was standing back a lot and letting me be on my own with it all, like throwing me into the experience without necessarily trying to guide me.
The Crone energy/archetype is everlasting and eternal, she is always flowing through the veins of all women guiding us towards the light often through dense darkness with many lessons on the way. She might be harsh when needed, she does not apologise for that, she sees value in speaking her truth in a way she feels is most heard. She is simply herself, full of mystery and strange appearances, yet her power of love, life and death is coming through her and from her that we can’t help but wonder, get curious, get drawn to the everlasting teachings of the old woman within us. At times when we accept and make peace with ourselves, we are in alignment and acknowledgement of the energy of the crone. She doesn’t give a damn if you agree with her, worship her or even understand her. Her mission is to voice what needs to be voiced, show what requires light thrown upon it, lead you places, which she thinks would lead you to your own truth. She is also appreciative of you, your efforts and deeply acknowledging of your inner powers. So, take her into your heart with warmth and allowing, with gratitude and respect knowing that you give this to yourself always and forever.
Samhain itself was the most gorgeous day filled with warmth and bright sunshine. It was quite something, which, I felt was in contrast with the ‘idea’ of the energies we might perceive to be around. See pics of some gifts that I received on the day. We had a ritual fire and experienced ancestral energies rising around us. Was simple and magical and as we threw some fallen leaves on the Fire we thanked them and asked them to guide and protect our family in the year to come. This year I felt much more at ease and relaxed in the energies of the season, which was nice to be aware of. It spoke of my progression into the knowing of nature and embracing that within myself. I considered that feeling a true gift, another initiation into my journey.
As the Sun went down on All-Hallows-Eve it marked the beginning of the Celtic New Year. I fell into my bed exhausted and achy all over after the night walk in the woods. The night walk was actually very fun and had the energy of ‘inner child’ playfulness when I sat on the rope swings and my son was with me. It felt safe and warm and not at all scary. That night I dreamt of climbing stairs, which kept on breaking threatening me to fall, yet I did manage to get to the end and fell to the ground hard with the feeling of satisfaction of ‘making it’. We go on with determination, passion and courage on our journey of raising consciousness and expressing our inner-most creative fountains with love, love and more love.
I experienced a post-Samhain feeling of renewal the next morning. It was foggy and very still outside, a complete contrast to the previous day. The nature fog developed into my own personal fog and the chill in the air, which just appeared overnight, became my inner chill. There was fear and apprehension developing within me. Over the next few days I was highly emotional and in a state of grieving of some kind. My physical body became to pain in odd places, my energy got low and my tears grew more. I also turned 40, which was a real transition point into the second part of adulthood. I love it. Visiting my relative in hospital on my birthday I heard her say that she could no longer stand any noise or light, she wanted to be still and quiet. That resonated with how I felt. She was also spaced-out in a way her thoughts would float in and out and she would see no sense in forming them at all, so would just let it go and be still. I felt death all around me, a strange sensation of fear, uncertainty, but also comfort. That feeling has been with me energetically and physically since before Samhain. My dreams have all been about death, fear, surviving, terminal illness and more death.
Last night’s vision indicated that I have either a knife or a piece of glass stuck in my right arm. I am yet to find out what the outcome is and whether and when I will come out of this state. I sure am going to update you all. Going to commune with trees. Till then Blessed Be!
Here are some gifts and messages that I was presented with on Samhain. Flowing in bliss with nature