Beltaine 2016 

  
My intention for this Beltaine is to redefine and reconfirm relationships to myself and to those closest to me. I recommend journaling, as I did this morning already, on what currently works and doesn’t, what needs are met and not, what is to be done and how you intend to go about it. Setting intentions during this season of relationships and intimacy is very important. As the trees continue to bloom in their lushness and fragrant amour let your connections grow stronger and more fulfilling than ever. Enjoy the feeling of belonging to yourself first and foremost and extending that love outwards, which ultimately leads to fruitful life all around.

Blessed Beltaine!

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Detachment 

  
Let’s talk about detachment – a process of letting go off something or someone you previously imagined simply impossible to let go off for the fear of disappearing into oblivion. Possession and control are not heart centred, it is fear driven and fed by insecurity of being. In order to understand detachment and experience it successfully in a way beneficial to all one must look within and allow for the process of healing, integration and transformation to occur. For some it happens fast for others it takes a life time. 

Open up your awareness to a possibility of freedom like you never felt before… Where are you in the process towards letting go off attachment which has a hold on you and threatens to leave you barren should everything fall away. This applies to physical possessions, jobs, people, ideas, beliefs. 

Love is all expansive. It is free in its core, free giving and free receiving. It is a flowing river of exchange between souls. When love becomes hooked on conditions and attachments it loses its shine. It solidifies into matter that is no longer flexible. It becomes an illusion of what we believe it should be. Detachment requires no sacrifices when one feels whole within. Instead it feels like a breath ever sustaining and nourishing and no matter what happens one has this secure inner knowing that all will be ok, you will be ok. You have you, you have the love of the universe flowing through you always and forever… 

My Beltaine darkness

hawthorn-tree

Here is a revealing authentic post.  Beautiful hawthorn blossoms invite you into the lushness of the forest where the Green man is getting ready for the dance of the year with the Maiden queen. Colours are bright, senses are open in anticipation of the ritual and there is a smell of love in the air.

I am NOT feeling it and instead my whole being is enveloped into a sense of dark pain.

A week or two before Beltaine every year I find myself in emotional darkness feeling my body and soul triggered into innate trauma of loneliness and betrayal. I first became aware of this pattern a couple of years ago when I found myself wanting to hide and in ill health before and during May day celebrations, at a time when everyone is full of joy, vigour and high energy of union and vibrancy.

This year it is no different for me, but what I would like to set my intention on and realise this time round is that, perhaps, it is time to begin breaking the pattern, although part of my process had always been this year accepting and admitting that some things one just can’t get over. Interestingly that admission liberated something within me and now allowing me to look at what practices I could employ to ease the pain further.

I am a deeply wounded and scarred maiden during spring time and in no way looking for a union with the Green man or any other man. This season is bereft with loss, betrayal and heartache for me. As I write this I feel the energy within me very strongly, the energy of complete block to love, softness and utter distrust in anything remotely male.

If I was to visualize this experience I would describe it as seeing and feeling a tear in the skin, in my flesh. A wound, which would be useless to mend, it is completely torn. Mending it or, at least, attempting to mend it would inflict more pain on my being unnecessarily. What, I feel would work best here is letting it go, burring it, mourning it and focusing on the remaining flesh around. Effectively what it looks like is a place where I start from the very beginning, afresh, and create something completely new whether it is a new attitude, a way of being with the experience, a way to think about it and a way of relating. A way that would suit me and no one else. It is also a process of finding out what I can and can’t accept, whether I am able to hold a relationship from this point on and whether I actually need one and if I do, what would it look like.

Other very strong emotions associated with this time of year is love and loneliness – my major wounding places, and this innate sadness and melancholy that I carry around and especially in relation to those things. When I was hurt I was very young and the pain of that betrayal had been the worst emotional and physical pain I have experienced so far. I could physically feel my heart breaking in that moment and my innocence leaving me with my breath, which I felt was going to kill me.

It is great for me to know, accept and admit this pattern of complex interrelationships within my life and my psyche based on my experiences and begin to contemplate a way forward, building a new path for myself, which has a new flavour, colour and texture to it. I feel I need to perform a burial and witness a rebirth of something.  These awareness will translate into my creating an altar this Beltaine representing my intention for this season and the next few month. I might even do some LOVE magic for myself and generally for surrounding areas of my life including people closest to me.

Will I be making love to the Green man and integrating him, I don’t think so, not yet, as redefining my inner masculine is work in progress and I am not looking to merge with anything or anyone till I know what would serve me the best. The Green man is a figure for me to explore more, for sure, as interestingly enough it is quite vague and undefined for me, almost empty compared to the Goddess or other deities within the Wheel of the Year. He is not strong enough, which is my projection on the masculine in general for me generally where in my anger I labelled ‘male’ weak and unnecessary. I banished it into the shadow. Perhaps, working with that anger using Fire might ease some of the growing resentment in my flesh and psyche.

What is present also is a sense of realism, with which comes a sense of hope in the ultimate goodness of the universe and my belief that everything happens for my highest good. I walk the walk of the Goddess through the seasons with delicious awareness of the light and dark of my experience and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Blessings!

‘Let it bleed’- intuitive painting

image

This is an intuitive painting I did following my receiving some bad news on Monday. Emotions were stirred up in corners so deep that the next day I was intensely aware I am not the same person. I decided to do a painting to illuminate my inner state and this is the result. Looking at it now I understand some elements of it and the way they are laid out on canvas. I can also see a face, which I actually really like and my intuitive choice of colours speak volumes.

I called it ‘Let it bleed’

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All living in corners dark

Let it bleed

Shine the light on the wounds unseen

Let it bleed

The Divine love overflow is always present

Let it bleed

The love one feels for the whole within

Let it bleed

Emotions, blood, new life, old scars and the voice within

Let it bleed

Good and bad, soft and hard, sharp and blunt, new and old

Let it bleed

Let all the colours of the rainbow shine on the face of Spirit and

Let it bleed

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Purification process 2016 

Purification and cleansing is the signature of this year. It has been a difficult process like layers being stripped off, removed with swift movements and often without much break in between. It really is time, universe means business, I feel, and yes, it feels abrupt, unapologetic, but necessary. It is also a strange place to be and reconcile with one hit after another of intense emotional states and up and down moods. I hold the faith in nature knowing it is what it is meant to be.

So far intuitive information has pointed towards sorting out and saying good-bye to bad habits once and for all, as it appears that whatever had accumulated over the years in our environment, that would include physical and emotional bodies, no longer fits with the purpose of today. There’s energy of rejection from the body and also the spirit and a message to move up a level in health and consciousness. There’s almost no choice, one has to get on board with what is happening. There’s a need to become lighter and with the vibration of more simplicity and less density comes a more vibrant wise presence on earth. What we really need to do is get out of the way and surrender to the wisdom of our bodies and intuitive knowing.

Blessed cleansing!

Crying your heart clean

This week I am in North Wales surrounded by earth, sky and sea. Everything is in perfect harmony in nature yet on the inside there’s a turmoil, which seems to continue this spring.

I adore the land and its useful teachings and I ask for peace in my heart. I have climbed rocks and mountains, sat by the sea and today I am going into the woods.

The deeper into the woods you go the deeper the unfolding process.

The energy of the moss is one of the most delicious sensations I have ever experienced. It is my point of merging with the earth when I touch the soft moist manifestation of the earth spirit. It is what I experience as the high vibration of soil intelligence. It feels calm, comforting and cooling.

Another sensation which is wonderful to my soul is cool pockets you find in the woods where air is very fresh and still and the whole body begins to vibrate. That feeling covers all senses in me when I become aware of the energy rising from the root up to the crown and I become one with spirit.


I went through the process which, if I wanted it, would have taken me deep into the darkness and out high into the light again. I went further than I did before today yet not completed. The overall message was again that through allowing dark emotions to be one can transcend it into a higher sensation of peace and joy. A relief or a release is always guaranteed. One always finds a way of feeling better even if it might not be clear what exactly happens. It can be subtle or profound. Interpretations can come in, symbols might come alive or it can just be a sensory and emotional experience of releasing whatever needs to go or be transformed. This is my experience in nature.

The first stop was a fallen tree, which laid across a forest waterfall. I sat on it reflecting on its symbolism in that moment. A bridge across emotions. I contemplated walking across the fallen tree and across the waterfall and in my mind I did sensing there’s achievement to be had in taking on challenging situations full of emotions. I sat still acknowledging the metaphor of the natural setting in front of me.

As I continued walking tears followed. I cried while hugging a tree, which was gently comforting me. A striking thing appeared after – that tree was missing its top, it was half dead, one might say, yet it felt very much alive and no more or less part of the whole. I would describe it as a disabled being with the spirit very much alive and its softness was deeply touching. It held on to me as I acknowledged its endurance.

Woods kept pulling me in deeper and deeper showing off its magnificent trails and labyrinth-like formations of emerald branches. The moss got thicker and greener under my feet. The path got narrower and the silence descended with pockets of spirit presence whether through a pure water running underneath branches or gentle white light amidst deep darkness.

I began to run and got tangled in the branches, stepped into mud, got wet and decided to stop. The pull was strong, but I made a decision to turn around. A possibility of what might have lied ahead scared me a bit and felt at that moment in time I was not ready to experience it. That’s ok. We are in charge of what we are ready to face and where to stop. I went further into the process today than I did previously. It reminds me of a therapeutic setting with a client, just like I am often a client with the woods as my therapist, when you take your client only as far as they can go, one step at a time, one experience at a time, one process at a time.

I came back lighter, feeling more energetic, in higher spirits and overall calmer.

Planting a Love seed at New moon – new paradigm

love spell

New or Dark Moon is my favourite moon phase. During this time I always experience inner power, grace, quietness and softness the MOST. I often go through a period of sadness and reflection, which feels quite nice and somewhat necessary. It is a period I would describe as ‘licking my wounds’ while hibernating in the darkness of my soul with my inner light being present at the same time, very touching, awe-inspiring light. It is such an interesting energetic period for me that I find it is always productive in a way of new insights and processing of the old.

What is around me at present is the idea and my new understanding of love especially in relation to a male partner or a companion. There is a mixture of romance and also rejection of a partner for it is no longer needed I feel. It is a big shift in consciousness where I feel not only free and powerful in my own right, but I feel being with another, particularly who is not ready or on the same plane as you currently, will impair your development and growth and will slow down and dim your awesomeness, so to speak. It is sad times, as I process and release old conditions and ideas. It also feels liberating. I am not quite sure how this is all going to plan out, but to have received a completely new message about love, romance and partnership is for sure shaking things up deep within me and who knows where it will go. I am open to all that is meant to come through and prepared to receive the wisdom.

What is also coming through, as I literally feel my magic tingling in my fingertips is a need for a ritual and a spell and there is no better time, as now, New moon. With my redefined yet not crystal clear idea of love I am going to whip up some magic into whatever it will shape up to be. I feel it is needed in order to plant and ground that seed of love that I am creating. Something that will serve my highest purpose and also help others around me as a result whether we will receive clarity, resolution, a new surge of passion or a general relationship upgrade or nothing. Whatever it might be I am ready.

Redefined idea of love for me right now is coming through as – Love begins with yourself, it is a force that is very strong, it is a sensation you can taste in your mouth and feel running in your veins. You know this love, you had long felt it, got burnt by it, cried many tears over it as a result and you still in awe of the feeling of that love and connection. The kind of love you dedicate your life to. This is what you hold within no matter how it ended, wounded you or died all together in real life. It IS within you. You remember and know what it felt like as if it was yesterday. I am feeling it right now and can very easily recall it. Well, that feeling is in alignment with the source consciousness and love. The universe loves you and you love the universe. There is an exchange of love wisdom and immense power. It starts from you and when and if you choose to be with someone else and fall in love or decide to manifest that inner feeling of love outwardly on Earth, that is how you are going to express it, through expressing and sharing it with someone else. This is rare, I must say, in this earthly reality, at least I believe it at this point, but it is not impossible. Many chase this transaction and see it as only a dream and come up against obstacles again and again. On some level I can understand how this only looks like a dream when out of consciousness and direct experience. Many give up, but many don’t and continue to carry that belief that somewhere somehow the universe will send that one true love to them in order for them to express the love they hold within. It is a beautiful idea, but on the other hand, there is also no need for that other when you already hold the feeling within you and you know it and you are immersed in it and can be in it at any moment you want. Then there is no need for another, not really. You are powerful and in love with yourself and the universe and the idea of external love becomes extinct. THIS IS the new idea, an upgraded version of love…

My New Moon ritual will serve a purpose of, on one hand, evoking a response from the universe of what is coming up and what needs to be worked towards in a way of love/romance/relationship, and, on the other hand, to plant that seed of love actively with intention of, perhaps, reignite that feeling within even stronger so it gets magnified towards the Full Moon. It is sort of an experiment to see what grows out of the New Moon magic. I don’t even know what exactly I will be doing, as all my magic work is purely intuitive, but I am called and pulled very strongly to sit with all the insights and feelings that are being transmitted through me.

Why not do something awesome this New Moon yourself? Whatever you are going through why not sit with it and plant a seed of love or whatever it is you are experiencing right now or need answers to and see what grows.

Blessings!

 photo credit: http://shop.creepyhollows.com/