This weekend unveiled one of the most profound and life-changing insights I have ever had. It came through a dream, which carried such a wonderful feeling of pure joy, pleasure and happiness.
I walked through an opening between two identical buildings. One I identified with light and another with darkness. I turned left, to the darker side and that is where I found myself walking through thick, virgin, lush snow. It sparkled in the moonlight, as I picked it up with my hands and threw it in the air again and again smiling genuine joy and pleasure. I played and played in the whiteness of the snow experiencing the loveliest feeling of pure content and joy in the centre of my being.
We often associate Shadow with negative material we suppressed and rejected, aspects of ourselves that cause us pain and are hard for us to face. We send it away to the darkest corners of our psyche and leave it there unable to revisit and unprepared to deal with it. Overtime materials that are contained within that place increase and often become a burden and directly affect our lives without us realising, so to speak, as it is unconscious most of the time. We see all of that as negative, however, what about sending positive aspects ourselves into the shadow? This is what my dream is about. My LIGHT is in the shadow. I banished my joy, playfulness, purity and happiness into unconscious dark part of myself due to those parts of myself considered unacceptable and bad. For example, let’s take sensitivity and innocence, which are beautiful qualities in a child, however, when you are repeatedly told not to be so soft, sensitive and given a lot of responsibility at a very early age, a child takes it upon themselves having to change, adopt and introject the message of ‘sensitive and innocent is NOT good’. This is just one example where positive qualities are turned into negative and banished into unconscious shadow.
In my case it transpired that I had taken upon myself to live in pain constantly to the point where pain became a way of being and tasting almost sweet that how familiar it became. I always found hard to connect to what joy and pleasure feels like, however, pain I knew very well throughout my life and related to it as the old friend that accompanied my on a life journey. I developed fascinations with the hardest degree of suffering, e.g. mental health and bereavement, the darkest corners of human emotion. I understood it deeply to a point of over identifying with it I saw no light in the world. Where did the light go? In my SHADOW…
Very polarised and split one would agree, so how one restores balance between the two.
The insight is the first step where unconscious becomes conscious and one realises this dynamic can and, in many cases, should be changed if one is to live a more vibrant and conscious life. At that point it is also important to take your power back and welcome all the unique and positive qualities into your life paying attention to each and every one, excavating your soul, so to speak, or parts of it with an aim to integrate back into the whole. In this case I am focusing on that innocence and joy of a young child, which was squashed and tainted way too early. I am spending time with that being playing in the snow without a care in the world full of pure joy and freedom of expression. As I write I can feel the satisfaction of that state sipping through back into my being. It is unfamiliar and I am apprehensive and the point is to familiarise myself with that part, which had long been forgotten.
Having said then when my spiritual awakening happened I remember experiencing the feeling of pure love that would bring tears to my eyes. I would hold my breath in disbelief that such a feeling is possible on outside let alone within me. That is connection to spirit of all things. I have experienced that again and again since the beginning of my awakening process and today have an easy access to that space of wonder, glory, unconditional love, immensely vibrant inner power and joy. I can only describe it as being drunk and floating through a space where everything is possible. It is like a veil, which is above everything else and it is bigger than anything else. In that space everything else falls away and there is a sense of expansion and awe, which is limitless. I follow my path of nature based spirituality because the SPIRIT is in NATURE for me. Nature was and remains the catalyst for my reconnection to spirit and awakening of universal consciousness. In nature I feel the balance between light and dark, I have access to both. It is the only place where I feel I belong, I experience my own power and I am familiar with all aspects of myself as a whole. There are no splits or polarities, it is all accepting. It is a place where I experience the biggest joy and wonder as well as deeply understand and see dark places, I understand the contrast and the purpose of it all is crystal clear to me. I feel whole in nature, there is no separation or rejection of anything. Both, shadow and light exist in perfect harmony.
To have received such an insight that ‘the LIGHT is in the shadow’ and has been for many years feels immensely important for the next stage of my evolution for the good of myself and the universal consciousness on the whole. My work continues and the time of this transition is just perfect.
The image to come with this insight is the white bird with black wings.
Let your pain be the wings that carry you towards the light!
I wish you all blessed transformations and a joy of knowing you are powerful beings!