The Land’s calling

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It is the time of my soul’s bleeding with deep connection to the land, which is calling again and again. It is such a powerful pull that it feels painful and pleasurable at the same time. It is a deep yearning within me that calls me to walk the land’s high hills and smell the soil of the old, moist, fresh wind-swept landscape my soul craves. My heart begins to ache in the feeling of missing my other home, the place that doesn’t let go off me when I am not around. It calls, it sings to me and my bones feel its essence. I miss it so much. I want to see stags gallantly walking the forests and hills and standing still staring, undecided whether to run or continue with their curiosity. They are such beautiful creatures, strong yet vulnerable. I yearn to see them in the land’s autumn dress with trees and grass changing colour and air slowly turning cool with a promise of winter. I wish I could stand at the top of a mountain screaming with delight for I am there, I am alive and the land around me embraces me in its vastness.

Every year it seems I bear the separation with hardly breathing and unable to hold my excitement when I am finally released into the land of my soul. I cry, I ache and spend long hours imagining, smelling, walking the hills and forests in my dreams. At times it is unbearable and I cry uncontrollably and I feel like putting on my boots and running towards the land however far. It feels impulsive with no reason existing in that moment of deep wanting to merge with the landscape, immerse my face into a cold water of a Loch and drink the fresh air of pine forest. The wind, oh how I wish to be swept with it and my face blasted with its force waking me up to my core, shaking all the cobwebs out of my being.

Another year, another period of waiting with a heart that aches and loves oh so deep…

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Shedding with the season 

 As I pull out remaining weeds and dried out reminder of flowers and vegetables once blooming on my allotment I reflect on the play between holding on and letting go.

Weeds are still green with roots deep in the soil resist my pull and I find pleasure in clearing space for the next year’s growth.

I am brutal with weeds, but over the last few years I became more mindful and reflective on the process of wanting to stay and needing to go. 

It explains why I love autumn and winter even more. My thinking becomes clearer. My goals become crystallised and the path in front of me stretches ahead. In summer when woods are overgrown and taken over by brambles and ferns I feel confused. I feel enclosed and my thinking and creativity are not sharp. In the second part of the year I can breathe once again and start the process of deciding what to keep and what to let go off. The emptiness is inviting and exciting to me.

I sweep, clean and dust ‘the old’ and create space within and around me for the season of reflection and new beginnings. 

What are you holding on to at this point? What are you not wanting to let go off? 

Scattered self and working with the Horned God

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Do you sometimes feel like you are fragmented into little pieces, which split off from your centre and you find yourself unbalanced in all areas of your life – relationships, finances, health. Fun also seems to be missing during this time and any attempt to bring your vibration up proves difficult. The centre is weakened, which often brings feelings of doom and gloom. This seems to occur out of nowhere and can spread very quickly with fragmented pieces flying further and further away and the further away they are from the centre the more likely they can get affected and pulled into negative energies. They are effectively not safe when too far away from the centre. Awareness is needed in such cases, otherwise it can get out of control to a point of having something drastic happen to bring your attention to the disintegration that is present.

During this time I am going through this process, which, some people would refer to ‘being cursed’ even. Although I can relate and see that perspective and it is entirely possible, it certainly feels that way, I go with the understanding that at some point my centre had been weakened and that caused for pieces of myself to split off into areas where it was not safe and getting back to the centre became difficult. Once we bring our awareness and intuition to the fact that something is actually happening, e.g. things are occurring out of the ordinary, sudden unfavourable changes, feeling disempowered and emotionally low, we can begin the process of putting ourselves back together again.

There are various spells an individual can do to wash off negativity and bring missing pieces together and heal those back into the centre, as many, I would imagine, be quite damaged or affected by maleficent outside influences while away from the centre. I would encourage you to create your own ritual, spell, healing technique, which resonates with you. Some of the materials I can suggest one might use are:

Sage, Rosemary and Lavender herbs. Black candles burnt over 7 days during waning moon. Fire and Water spells created intuitively using oils, herbs and candles. Salt is another powerful ingredient.

While sitting in meditation in front of my altar this morning, as I was drawn to do, I asked for assistance from the Crone and the Horned God in matters to do with the above. What transpired and actually made me feel better was that it is the masculine side in particular that got affected in me, which originally had occurred in spring this year and been lingering. I hurt my finger yesterday and had a lucky escape, to be honest, as it could have been much worse. It is on my right hand and while meditating my attention was sent to my right side (masculine), which then made the Horned God come forward with his guidance. I haven’t worked with this deity before. Perhaps, there was no such need previously. It felt so good to me, as he put his steady hand around my shoulder and told me to zoom on one important thing in my life. I zoomed into my centre, which looked like a cave between my breasts, from which a radiant light was shining. The light was reddish colour, very comforting and masculine. The horned God told me to learn a skill, focus on one thing and learn it well and that energy of consolidation and focus would bring all the missing pieces back together again. It can also get rid of ‘unwanted’ fragments in the process, i.e. this is a process of sorting through what is needed and what needs to go.  I found this very interesting in relation to what I talk about above and this felt like another way of going about things of putting myself back together again. Very powerful.

So, I am going on a journey with the Horned God for the next 7 days, i.e. sitting in the sacred space listening to guidance and directions towards integration into a new, healthy form and bringing balance again in all areas.

Blessings!

image citation: www.spells-witchcraft.org

The season of transitions

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Autumn is the time when summer lingers still not wanting to let go, but carrying a deep knowing that it must surrender its hot days and green armor at the same time. As winter often fearful of leaving, like an ice princess it perseveres with its bitter bite and powerful winds, like spring that brings rain to a land in an attempt to overflow arrival of heat and steady sunshine, summer is too is holding on with its green leaves and surprisingly hot sunny days.

I go through transitions during Autumn when it is the time to take stock of the harvest and think about what to keep and what to let go off, what will serve us well and what is no longer needed. It is the waning part of the year with clearing space for the next stage, next season of our journey.

I walked to the woods this morning to witness the process of transition mirrored back to me. There is sadness, fear present and also surrender at the same time. Just like death it can feel final, lonely and utterly terrifying. I came across a dying hare lying on the path. I leaned down witnessing its struggle to stand up and run into the field, it couldn’t. I felt hopeless and helpless. Distress was so hard to watch and I felt its fear deep within me. I picked it up and moved it to the hedge on the side of the main path and sat with it stroking its long ears. It felt calmer, more surrendered and comfortable. I spoke gently to it. I then walked on leaving the hare to transition in its own time, giving it some privacy. The balance of involvement and allowing is so important.

In nature everything is always just as it should be. Trees stand in their patient postures rooted in the knowledge of things always changing and transitioning, yet there is also a degree of resistance, anticipation, and uncertainty of what’s to come. Nature walks through the cycles with confidence, as it is in the very core of life with all relationships, beginnings and endings, flourishing times and periods of famine and scarcity. Nature knows, yet trees are hesitant to drop its green lush foliage and insects are all around taking in the last warm air. The sun is shining, but it no longer burns, it knows it must die, but only to return again. There is such peace in nature’s presence, deep knowing and surrender and with every transition it teaches us to just be with what is, allow for things to flow, change and when time comes die.

I walked back. The hare lay dead on the path where I moved it from. It looked serene, peaceful and perfectly still. It left this world, the struggle was over and it looked beautiful with its beady black eyes staring into another space. I am filled with sadness, but also a relief that one journey ended and another will begin shortly and so it goes again and again with each turn of the nature’s wheel.

Blessed Mabon!

 

Th greatest gift of all

photoA man walked along a deserted beach when he came upon a cave. He heard many stories told that the greatest gift of all lied inside it. With confidence he walked up to the entrance when suddenly the door slammed shut right in front of him and a face appeared in the stone covering the entrance.

The face spoke, ‘To gain entry you must have wisdom of the sea, land and sky’ and it disappeared. The man stood confused. ‘What does that all mean? I don’t like water, woods scare me and flying is impossible’ he pondered on what the face said.

The face appeared once more, ‘What you are thinking are obstacles your mind puts in your way, you are out of touch with your body and emotions. Within you lie treasures of courage, vision, curiosity and intuition. Go on your way and once you obtain the wisdom of the sea, land and sky, you can enter the cave.’

The man walked towards the ocean and sat down on the shore in deep thought. Suddenly a seal came up to the surface and said, ‘I feel myself breathe when I swim in the water. It is invigorating, freeing and soothing. When I swim I hold faith that my body is so intelligent it will not only carry me through it, it will also open up the sea world beyond. With breathing you can feel deep within your body, which is a precious vessel of your soul’.

‘My soul? said the man. How do I know I have one?’

‘By breathing and feeling the water, as you glide through its surface and depths, by merging with the ocean as one and tuning into the feeling of being in the body, alive and flowing. You have not been present with yourself for a long time and lost touch with what it feels like to be free flowing with emotions.’

‘That sounds beautifully simple’, the man thought. Walking into the ocean he began to swim experiencing what the seal described to him. ‘I feel my soul’, the man screamed in delight.

The man sat on the shore when a bird few by and stopped to tell him a story of its experience in the air and how when it surrendered to the wind and allowed for it to carry it the bird’s heart expanded in freedom and joy. ‘We birds have skills and much experience in flying high and low, but without allowing and being one with the elements control threatens to take the wonderful feeling of freedom away’.

‘What if I fall? said the man

‘What if you don’t fall? said the bird. Fear, control and lack of faith is what holds you back from feeling fully alive’.

The man reflected on what the bird said and became overwhelmed by a feeling of wanting to fly with the wind and to look over the world from above. At that moment a mole popped its head from underneath the earth and began describing what it was like for him to be in touch with the soil he lived in. ‘But it is dark underneath’, the man quickly started to protest.

The mole said, ‘When you get accustomed to being in the dark you begin to see the light, a special kind of light, a light that feels homely, peaceful and glorious’.

The man suddenly felt deeply sad and alone for he had not experienced any of the things animals talked about for a long time. So, he decided to become each creature for a day to live through their experiences and learn to breath, feel, surrender and being comfortable in the dark. He decided it was time he learnt the wisdom of the sea, land and sky and when he was done, he was transformed. Many years had passed and the man undertook many more trials and challenges to obtain the wisdom the face on the cave spoke about. And when one day he was passing by the cave again the entrance was wide open for him to walk through. There was light streaming from within. The man recognised it as that special kind of light the mole told him about many years before.

There was a creature inside sitting against a beautiful lush tree with birds singing all round and water running off the rocks as clear as crystal and things growing in all splendour of colours and shapes. The creature smiled warmly at the man and said, ‘Welcome to your inner self. You have come far by learning the wisdom of the sea, land and sky. The greatest gift of all is your own inner beauty. You are home now.’

The man cried tears of joy and his heart filled up with love and gratitude. He felt in a state of belonging with everything and everyone. He felt whole.

Raw Pagan

The quality of ‘wholesome’

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‘Wholesome’ is a quality I associate with home, log fires, animals, living off the land, roots, families, simple life, good food and lots of laughter. I feel comfortable around people who possess that quality and who feel like ‘home’. They are calm, kind, full of humour and warmth. It is interesting to see how what you seek in life when you meet it in others you are instantly drawn to it. Someone once said to me while we had been discussing a relationship problem ‘how do they make you feel when you are around them?’ That was a revelation to me, as I never considered looking at it that way. I never actually considered my own feelings and what was best for me.  And now years later I go with my feelings and intuition always whether it is people, food, job or any choice or decision I have to make. This is non-negotiable to me and it has firmly become a way of life for me. I go with that ‘wholesome’ vibration and ask myself ‘is this going to be good for me?’ ‘how does this person make me feel when I am with them?

I have encountered wholesome people in my life in recent years more, as I resonate with their values and they make me feel at home with myself and the world. I want to be one of them and I feel I am able to be more and more. Yesterday the whole day was transformed for me after coming into contact with wonderful friends, who are just that type of wholesome people. They invite you with warm smile and welcome into their home, make you a hot drink and then tell you something funny, a joke or a silly story. They share something interesting they did with the children or while in the garden. It warms me all over and I realise that this is what I have been seeking all my life, that connection of acceptance and absence of conditions on how to be, what to say, what to do. I am allowed to simply be myself and drink that comfort in knowing people around me are genuine with heart-felt intentions. Here nothing is too serious and nothing that can’t be talked about openly.

In the last few days I have definitely felt a sense of belonging and knowing that I am exactly where I am meant to be. What a wonderful feeling and a new one for me. I have had glimpses of it with my home and my boys yet I have always resisted it and even fought against it unconsciously pushing it away, which resonated with my learnt script of ‘not meant to be happy and joy is NOT good’. (my joy is in the shadow post). Having done a lot of work and come to deep insights about various things I begin to see everything shifting in a direction that I love. This feeling reflects that sweet warmth within that says that I have everything I need and want. I am completely content with myself and the world. This is what I want and what I have been aiming towards. The feeling of home and peace in my soul, my most hungered for vibration for most of my life.

I love where I am, who I am surrounded with and I am beginning to love myself, possibly for the first time in my life.

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