Memories in the snow

25151930_10155924478831873_7054492740821527453_n

I woke up from a dream of being back in my Siberian land. Dreams that take me there are always set in winter. Most of my childhood and youth’s significant events happened in winter and amidst snow and remain the most memorable to this day. Sledging with friends in freezing temperatures when we couldn’t feel our faces, hands and feet, yet incredibly happy and full of joys of childhood. My first kiss, awkward, yet warm and sweet. The day I let him go also took place in the middle of winter with me crying in the bright light of street lamps and snow sparkling all around us. I remember my blue mascara running down my cheek as if it was yesterday and the smell of his winter coat as he pulled me close to his chest. I remember his heart beat as we said good-bye.

I recall ice-skating with my father and falling into the deep snow, up to my waist, in the wilderness forest. We laughed a lot. Another kiss takes me back to a sacred place where memories stand still and not just my own, but for the whole nation. Wearing white hat and mittens in a cream coloured coat I was deeply in love.

As I walked to the window this morning I was greeted with a snow-covered garden and land beyond. Beautiful. It continued to snow all morning and I decided to go into the forest for some nature and elements communion. I always feel it is such a raw, spiritual and necessary experience to immerse yourself in the elements be it rain, snow, sunshine or wind. Each element awakens something within, touches upon places that need to be visited to remind us of what is essential and where we are in life. Crunchy under my feet I found snow and pure white landscape stretching ahead taking me further into my memories and on a journey of seeing and feeling things I hold dear to my heart. Memories flooded in like a bitter-sweet river and looking around me I smiled also feeling a smidge of sadness in my heart. He is long gone, but what he left is a place within me that is unconditional love and to this day I carry it inside and always will. Forest was noisy with splats and swooshing sounds of snow falling off branches. Many trees were bent down under the snow weight touching the ground. I stopped and breathed it all in. I miss him still and I remember everything like it was yesterday. Sadness filled my heart, but it is no longer grief or longing, it is settled and contained, warm and alive. It is love, forever.

Advertisements

Holly tree releasing spell

image

This morning a familiar energy called me into the woods. I woke up feeling whole, balanced and knowing I will be doing some restorative magic. After having a heart-felt conversation with a friend the call of the forest increased and armed with a small white candle and my charged palms (my hands buzz before doing a spell) I stepped on a path familiar on my way to the sacred grove.

At a distance very clearly as I approached I saw a face of a maiden (beautiful she was) outlined at the entrance to the woods, which then changed to a crone’s face. It made me smile and I bowed as I always do entering the forest.

I sat on a familiar Holly tree and created a place for my energies to be sent into a simple white candle with dry leaves around it representing release (a word also inscribed on my candle). Holly tree is very of the season and to me it spoke of unconditional love, resilience and protection. I invited all the elements to assist me with this work. Fire to transform, Air to clarify, Earth to neutralise and Water to cleanse. It felt just right as I recalled names of people who are in need of a release from a soul turmoil right now. Two people in particular. As I released the energy from my palms to all four directions I saw and heard the last remaining leaves falling off trees all around me and I saw a deer just a few meters away from me. We looked and acknowledged each other for a few minutes before he walked off. Deer is sacred to me and they symbolise tender heart, purity, divine energy and sensitive nature. I thought of both, my friend and my sister, both in need of reminding of their prime qualities. I asked for peace in the world and a release of all that is no longer in service to us. It is waning moon right now and the right time to let things go.

As the candle was about to burn out I picked up a couple of leaves surrounding the candle circle and burnt them in the flame and once done I collected it all together and buried it under the tree in rich, most soil. It is one my of my favourite spells, which can be adopted depending on what’s needed. It always feels great afterwards.

I exited the grove and the woods with a bow and on my return I engaged with the water element by taking a shower to reinvigorate my energy back.

Sending blessings to everyone!

Th greatest gift of all

photoA man walked along a deserted beach when he came upon a cave. He heard many stories told that the greatest gift of all lied inside it. With confidence he walked up to the entrance when suddenly the door slammed shut right in front of him and a face appeared in the stone covering the entrance.

The face spoke, ‘To gain entry you must have wisdom of the sea, land and sky’ and it disappeared. The man stood confused. ‘What does that all mean? I don’t like water, woods scare me and flying is impossible’ he pondered on what the face said.

The face appeared once more, ‘What you are thinking are obstacles your mind puts in your way, you are out of touch with your body and emotions. Within you lie treasures of courage, vision, curiosity and intuition. Go on your way and once you obtain the wisdom of the sea, land and sky, you can enter the cave.’

The man walked towards the ocean and sat down on the shore in deep thought. Suddenly a seal came up to the surface and said, ‘I feel myself breathe when I swim in the water. It is invigorating, freeing and soothing. When I swim I hold faith that my body is so intelligent it will not only carry me through it, it will also open up the sea world beyond. With breathing you can feel deep within your body, which is a precious vessel of your soul’.

‘My soul? said the man. How do I know I have one?’

‘By breathing and feeling the water, as you glide through its surface and depths, by merging with the ocean as one and tuning into the feeling of being in the body, alive and flowing. You have not been present with yourself for a long time and lost touch with what it feels like to be free flowing with emotions.’

‘That sounds beautifully simple’, the man thought. Walking into the ocean he began to swim experiencing what the seal described to him. ‘I feel my soul’, the man screamed in delight.

The man sat on the shore when a bird few by and stopped to tell him a story of its experience in the air and how when it surrendered to the wind and allowed for it to carry it the bird’s heart expanded in freedom and joy. ‘We birds have skills and much experience in flying high and low, but without allowing and being one with the elements control threatens to take the wonderful feeling of freedom away’.

‘What if I fall? said the man

‘What if you don’t fall? said the bird. Fear, control and lack of faith is what holds you back from feeling fully alive’.

The man reflected on what the bird said and became overwhelmed by a feeling of wanting to fly with the wind and to look over the world from above. At that moment a mole popped its head from underneath the earth and began describing what it was like for him to be in touch with the soil he lived in. ‘But it is dark underneath’, the man quickly started to protest.

The mole said, ‘When you get accustomed to being in the dark you begin to see the light, a special kind of light, a light that feels homely, peaceful and glorious’.

The man suddenly felt deeply sad and alone for he had not experienced any of the things animals talked about for a long time. So, he decided to become each creature for a day to live through their experiences and learn to breath, feel, surrender and being comfortable in the dark. He decided it was time he learnt the wisdom of the sea, land and sky and when he was done, he was transformed. Many years had passed and the man undertook many more trials and challenges to obtain the wisdom the face on the cave spoke about. And when one day he was passing by the cave again the entrance was wide open for him to walk through. There was light streaming from within. The man recognised it as that special kind of light the mole told him about many years before.

There was a creature inside sitting against a beautiful lush tree with birds singing all round and water running off the rocks as clear as crystal and things growing in all splendour of colours and shapes. The creature smiled warmly at the man and said, ‘Welcome to your inner self. You have come far by learning the wisdom of the sea, land and sky. The greatest gift of all is your own inner beauty. You are home now.’

The man cried tears of joy and his heart filled up with love and gratitude. He felt in a state of belonging with everything and everyone. He felt whole.

Raw Pagan

Frozen. Mindful healing in nature 

 
Frozen in the Earth plane consciousness has been my state since yesterday.

Whenever we come up against obstacles and limitations in our daily reality our mind comes forward with thought processes that are not helpful. It manifests in a way of blocking some feelings and often awakening fear and anger.

This morning all I wanted to do was to hide in bed and not see the light of day. I had no feeling in the body and no  sense of smell. My breath was hardly noticeable and I couldn’t  cry. I was frozen.

I forced myself to go for a walk into my woods. Forcing is unusual for me, but here it felt necessary. I noticed as I walked that I had no desire to get in touch with anything around me. I  didn’t want to reach out and touch tree branches or leaves, as I would do normally. I also couldn’t smell anything literally. In terms of vision all I saw was the path in front of me and I said to myself ‘the same old, the same old’. I heard birds singing, but it didn’t reach my senses, had no effect on me. My spirit was saddened, I felt deeply lost, abandoned and empty.

In the moment I decided to surrender to nature and ask it to do to me whatever needed doing. I was seeking mindful awakening. I sat down on a fallen tree and waited. I was set on letting the elements do to me what they would.

For a while I was very still and frozen, nothing happened. My sadness spread within yet no tears came and I decided to walk. I took off my hat and this was something I always did in the woods. My crown chakra and my hair and ears needed to be uncovered. I couldn’t hear or receive much otherwise. When I reached water things began to shift.

I realised that in order for me to ‘unfreeze’ all elements needed to be present around me in order to tap into internal elements. I noticed the Sun giving a comforting glow to my aura through the branches. Woods around me spoke to me of home and belonging,  air renewed my breath, water encouraged movement and flow and the whole forest projected unconditional love towards my being.

I gasped for air and filled my lungs and instantly energised I began to pick up pace and walked with more confidence. I now heard birds around reassuring me about the right path I was on. I started to feel my legs stronger underneath me and I became more aware of my physical body.

Birds flew about their business communicating with one another and I wondered what their life was like. The birdsong was divine in nature and they were forever present in its flow engaging it whenever they needed.

Another tool that is helpful when needing to reawaken senses is getting out of breath. Yes, makes sense, right. One of the reasons exercise is recommended for low mood amongst other complaints. I climbed a hill and got out of breath and instantly felt alive and energetic again within my body. I began to touch trees as I walked, connecting.

Trees have buzzing energy to me like stones do, but softer, flesher due to their connection to the earth. I feel their roots deep in the warm muddy womb.

I was called to expand and kept on walking covering a wider area of the woods.
Tree – standing tall, be flexible release tension I leaned against its reassuring posture. It has access to all, moist earth, clean air, water at all times from above or below and the sun glow of fire. How lucky I think. In parallel we also have access to all elements whenever we need it. The difference is that trees don’t question it, they are just in whatever is present unlike humans who fight and freeze and blow and fly away in all our defences. Nature mirrors back the perfect unity of just being.

As I stood against a tree I became aware of the scent in the air, it penetrated me. My breath deepened and as it usually did my awareness sharpened to all things around me. Feeling returned to my legs and I felt strong once again. My walk also awakened nice memories of spring in Oxford with air so fresh and cherry blossoms everywhere. I also remembered a day out by the sea with my boys in Brighton. Sea air and walking on the beach scattered with beautiful stones and shells.

I become curious whether it was a certain place that my memories were asking me to revisit, or was it simply memories coming alive as reminders of my life experiences.

Feeling much stronger, focused and aware of all my senses I walked back home. Ice melted, feeling returned and balance was restored.

The wind, Air element and emotions 

  
  
The wind, Air element and emotions

It’s creative, bright, quick and relational. Good at making connections and creating ideas, more and more ideas in one place and then another and another. Goes on and on round and round and back again. Nothing is ever solid or in matter. It’s all in the Air, up high and clear. A bigger picture that is hard to break into pieces, it’s all expansive and enthusiastic at bringing the energy of movement. Dizzy, foggy, cloudy like but also cool and clear-felt, intellect coherent yet up and up. It’s a long way down, like a bird, but a bird can come down, so must Air qualities manifest in Earth. Ideas, projects, plans and directions one by one with the Earth assistance get manifested. As above so is below, one needs the other. The Wind and human psyche 
I reap through the layers of what’s yet to be felt like the body of a tree swaying in the storm so does my body aches with whistling holes of my being
Empty pockets get filled up with chills of the wind, 

The force cuts through flesh making old wounds bleed 

The whole body taken over by an emotional dance with hands swaying and limbs shaking, skin in desperation seeks to protect what’s within.

Eyes can’t see, mouth can’t speak, the psychic powers of hair get activated but fly out of control and all one wants to do is wrap yourself up into a safe hold, a warm ball of primal feeling of being in the womb.

Unfolding occurs when standing tall against the challenging element, facing it head on with the heart wide open and all exposed flesh full of knowledge and experience what’s been, done, gone, wounded, obliterated, empty and also solid. 

Fold and unfold, expand and contract. Life is one big dance with the wind that threatens exposure of what’s not to be seen and liberates us of any stuckness at the same time. 

  

FIRE element and productivity

Fire_EyeHow to become more focused, driven, motivated and goal-oriented for whatever task you are seeking to engage with and complete?

It is often quite a difficult alchemical process for so many of us to access that ‘get go’ feeling, to motivate yourself into doing something productive, necessary, exciting and important. We procrastinate, we distract ourselves, we kid ourselves that it will come and somehow miraculously it will get done. We deny ourselves a chance to explore what is underneath our postponement of life essentially.

Exploration is one way of accessing the layers unseen preventing us from propelling into a flowing life of action, feeling, engagement and fulfilment. This can apply to all life tasks from doing the dishes to writing, from fixing something to starting a big project. Some of these things seem out of reach and they forever remain in our fantasy of ‘oh, perhaps, tomorrow’, other things are ever so much more pressing, necessary tasks to be performed for a fully functioning life.

What do we achieve by digging deeper? We, first of all, allow ourselves a chance to find something out. We also allow ourselves to feel whatever needs to be felt. We put ourselves under a microscope and really see ourselves in that moment. That is priceless. Often just that one act of allowing and questioning yourself when something isn’t working can begin a process of unfolding and lead to some revelations followed by a change in behaviour. If we did this with all our hang-ups, triggers, things that stop us in our tracks and honestly just bring a mirror close to it to see what is behind that feeling that is blocking the life flow. Powerful process.

With productivity in particular Fire element is important. It is a manifestation of our driving force and inner courage to be in the dark but constantly driving towards light. It is about not giving up, but walking through obstacles and dealing with it one by one with understanding and acceptance. It is about honour and integrity and love for all that supports us.

What helps me to get in touch with that Fire of productivity when I have a project I must get on with, a deadline I must meet, a report I have to produce, etc. I visualise myself stepping into Fire in my creative imagination and witnessing myself burn, but with strength and power, enjoyment of transforming into something so bright that nothing can overshadow it. I become Fire, I fling my arms up and down in it, I feel the heat, I embrace the discomfort of doing something I might not want to do, but with a deep knowing that not only I can do it, I can do it damn well. I do not allow myself to lose focus.

On my desk I light a red candle to my right and I let it burn as I write. I feel such support and comfort in the flame burning next to me like a torch, which is constant amidst all of my resistance. I stay firmly in my chair and I focus. Through staying in that state, I begin to enjoy that powerful drive produced by the Fire qualities within me and I find myself speeding up, focusing even more and soon enough I am at the finish line.

Invoke Fire when you need to feel driven, focused, and passionate about something and concentrate on the end goal without an option of giving up until it is done.

Surrender to your emotions…

images (13)
Nature Elements 

Emotions are very powerful having that sword-sharp edge of either cut through us, throw us over the cliffs in a moment of fury, drown us deep in our unconscious darkness or burn us to ashes.

Surrender…

In all of my experiences I have come to realise that resistance and feelings do not go together. Where there is resistance there is also intensity of a feeling, not in a way of increasing its highest vibration, but in a distorted way of throwing you off-balance. When your resistance gets stronger, emotions begin to raw louder.

Surrender…

It is a concept of ‘being with’, allowing the flow through, surrender – that is what not only gives a relief it also gives an experience you can say you truly lived through. Nothing is wasted that way, an emotion is allowed to be expressed fully without any residue of it being left or pieces buried in places unseen.

Emotions and the five elements associations working together can be a useful tool in my experience. Allow your intuition and imagination to come forth to assist you with the processing emotions at any given moment. Emotions most often associated with the element of Fire are anger, fury, rage, passion, force to act, impatience. Each emotion can tilt over into its distortion if it is not allowed to ‘be’ what it wants to be. Our aim to find a way to express it in the moment, which would benefit us. Feeling everything to the full without apologies or excuses or shunting ourselves for feeling something is a true gift to yourself, others and the world. You become intelligent in ‘feeling’ things, people and places to the point that nothing is any longer unfamiliar to you on an emotional level. Only through getting to know emotions you gain wisdom of feeling and expression. So, if you are feeling rage, let yourself be with that, ask yourself what you need in that moment, let it flow through you. Take yourself away when you can be with it one-on-one, as this is a message to you, a lesson to you, no one else needs to interfere here. A mistake most make is involve others in processing their emotions. When something comes up, it is about us first and foremost and the right questions should come to the surface regarding your needs, your desires, your voice, or actions and behaviour.

Sitting with an emotion, which feels burning, hot, furious imagine yourself in the Fire, feel it on your skin, embrace its full potential and see whether afterwards it not only transforms into something much more meaningful and useful, but also adds to your wisdom of knowing how to ‘be’ with something.

The same with Water emotions like tears, sorrow, grief or loneliness. Take a bath, immerse yourself into the very same element that emotion comes from and let it flow through you. It never lasts for long, it always goes, it doesn’t stay just like you never catch a stretch of river flow in the same place twice. It might come again and again and often we think we cannot bare it, we will not survive it, but every time we do and, believe me, the more we sit with it and allow it wash over us or go through us, the easier it gets. Emotions will appreciate your attention, as they speak to soul parts of ourselves that need to be heard and seen.

Have you ever experienced Spirit in the 5th dimension, have you seen it? Felt it? Experienced it within your soul, which often comes as deep knowing and feels like ‘home’. That’s the master emotion in my recent experience. I would advise spending time familiarising yourself with it, invoke it as much as you need when you need, bathe in the sweet knowledge of belonging to something bigger, something unconditional, pure and majestic. What I have done recently is to summon that feeling into my emotional body, my awareness whenever I felt anger, frustration or discontent with something. I have a place within me that allows access to that feeling of joy and unconditional love in a much bigger context than what we are here on Earth. It always brings awareness that whatever I might be feeling is a nugget of knowledge, something I need to look at, but knowing the Spirit exist in the form familiar to me makes that ‘journeying’ through an emotion easier. It give it a sense of having Faith. It lets you know that it, like everything else, will also pass and if you managed to extract a lesson from an emotional experience, so much the wiser you become every time you engage with it in a way that accepts and acknowledges how you feel.

If your mind is racing and you feel lost, imagine yourself flying and feel cool air on your skin and wind in your hair, imagine being washed over with the air emotions. If someone is being negative towards you and you feel like all you want to do is disappear just not to feel it, allow yourself to stay. Imagine you come from the Earth, feel it with your bare feet and imagine your legs growing deep into the ground. There is a warm and reassuring feeling, which comes with the Earth.

There is always a healing emotion to the one that is distorted, e.g. anger-determination, sadness-empathy, sorrow-wisdom, etc. Remember emotions transform, always, but only if they are allowed expression and given enough attention to in the first instance. If they don’t, they distort and fester and become something bigger and uglier often than what their intention was initially.

Surrender is the way…