Body knows…

sadness in spring

What is it with spring and physical health problems for me?

They say body knows, holds and experiences. It knows it all. Well, I agree that most of what’s going on is a trigger of one or another emotional issue in me and even though this year I am consciously redefining and healing my spring-related emotional wounds my body still remembers and it aches in the physical.

Spring has always been an intense and challenging season for me, particularly towards the end of spring, around Beltaine. I do wish it was summer, but then, of course, I remind myself how summer triggers me into other emotional areas. It is profound and insightful and never fails to leave me in wonder and curiosity how seasons connect me to my life, emotions, thoughts and my past.

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Spring, Gold, Transformation

alchemy of transformation

It has been all about the Gold lately, which signifies a special phase of another transformational cycle we are entering into. It can manifest as a new job, a relocation, a completion of a project or a union of some kind. These are fairly general and it can be looked at deeper depending on your personal experience.

Gold is associated with treasure, potential, the energy of the Sun, a harvest of some sort and most importantly the final stage of transformation and coming into your own and shining to its full potential. Perhaps, some or all of these might relate to where you are currently on your journey.

For me gold came in a dream first when I was offered a chalice filled with golden liquid. I drank it and experienced feelings of ecstasy, freedom and serenity like no other. It was a very warming and pleasant sensation in the body and my mind was enveloped in thoughts of contentment, containment and comfort in the present moment.

I feel the season of spring, for me this year, is presentation differently and transforming into something entirely new. This was my intention for this work to occur, as through the years I had noticed a certain pattern, which would play out year after year, so when I paid conscious attention to it and unpicked it apart with the intention to heal I made a decision to work on transforming it with the next year. That time is now. I am already experiencing this season differently. Firstly I have welcomed spring with an open heart this year and I anticipated its arrival more eagerly than ever before. Previous spring had been a sad time for me, a paradox and a split, which presented as a wonderful season on the outside, yet my internal world would be in turmoil. A dissonance was always present.

Only last night standing outside I was acutely aware of just how pleased I am to see the spring this year and this time it wasn’t just words, thoughts. It was a strong felt sense in my body. I feel in love with the world and everything in it. My work is potent with love and care and joy to be in the presence of the human spirit resilient and vulnerable. I am so engaged with it all at the moment and drinking up its rewards and pleasures.

So, for me ‘gold’ is manifesting in that sense of having arrived somewhere new and truly transformed after challenging and dark times. Moving through the alchemical process of transformation, which begins in the dark place and engaging with functions of clarifying things through passion, fire, water and tears till we reach a place of purity and whiteness and feeling we have joined some dots, things began to make sense slowly till we landed with knowledge and insight to embrace where we came from and where we are now. There is a sense of balance also between the forces of the mind and compassion of the heart. At Spring equinox, in particular, it felt solid and in place when I sat with my past on my left and my future to my right, but solidly present in the moment facing what is here and now. A sense of achievement in the present moment and all the potential still waiting ahead. It is the perfect place of here and now. I am holding that golden chalice in my lap and I am overflowing with happiness and there is nothing that can’t be achieved.

Ignite your Fire 

The current emotional state I find myself in is anything but Firy. It is the Water element that has taken hold in its distorted state manifesting in moodiness, lack of motivation and inability to settle. This is how depressive state begins when focus is almost impossible and apathy sets in. There is no drive, energy or enthusiasm. Fire sparks up now and again, but again in its distorted state in ways of angry outbursts and frustration, dissatisfaction, which is often projected onto the world, weather, other people. Not great way to be and I don’t like it one bit.

Things in the house are literary losing their ‘spark’ and breaking down, particularly electrical things like iron, microwave, heating and boiler. One thing after another. It feels deflating and cold. What is there to do, I ask? The Goddess reassures me she’s around for guidance yet I move away from her unable to listen. My body is devoid of heat and energy and I wonder aimlessly about my days.

Outside it’s raining and mild when it should be winter. I never thought I would feel lethargic for the absence of real winter yet it is snow and cold that I crave so I can settle properly into the season. Instead it’s raining and I find myself yearning for the snowy mountains and freezing winds, sparkling cover on the ground and winter Sun. I try to fly away to lands where winter is present but again unable to project myself very far. Stifling…

Today I decided to drive to the woods away from home to seek some peace and answers. It is raining but I don’t mind as feel the need to be with whatever it is that slows me down. I get out of the car and walk into the forest. It feels pleasing straight away, the smell of wet ground and fresh air surrounds me. In silence I stand and turn to my right to a sight of deer very close by. My spirit is sparked for that moment where we stand and look at each other. I smile and feel gratitude. Things get better as I walk deeper into the forest. I discover Fire in the palm of my right hand, which I hold open and the rain stops. It’s amusing to play with it putting my hand away and taking it out again to show to the forest. I ask for the rain to stop and it does. My hand does the magic. I feel my spirits lifting slightly yet the fire in my hand also slips away eventually. It is calm, no rain and again I see the deer in the bush next to me. I smile. I feel better.

What also comes to me is the fact that I have been focusing on the Water element too much making an error in understanding what’s needed. At first a couple of weeks ago when I became aware of the absence of fire I welcomed water into my days and solidified and intensified my focus on it. I placed water items on my altar and what occurred was the opposite, I went too much into it. I understand it now. Now I know I need to shift things towards the fire intentionally. I need to work on it and make it spark again so changing my altar set up once again to see things shift.

Magic is a work of awareness, attention, focus and really listening. It is also not always about accuracy of messages but an ability to shift with changes in awareness. It is about adapting to what gets presented and reading the messages that one sees, hears or feels.

It is a strange period of time, however I remain open to observations and changes that might come in the next few days. I hope. Staying with myself no matter what and however hard it might be.

Many blessings!

 
  

FOUR seasons of the Psyche Workshop

 

seasons

I am planning to start running workshops from home in 2017 and this is my first offering. A beautiful, creative, experiential exploration and a journey through the seasons.

I am excited to connect with all of you!

Full details and information

HERE 

look-deep-into-nature-and-then-you-will-understand-everything-better-albert-einstein

Loving the Earth

treehugger1

What does it mean when people say they love the Earth? Are references to mother Earth genuinely felt or imagined? To me the relationship is sacred, very real and alive presenting itself every day whether it comes in a form of me picking rubbish from the forest floor or stroking a tree’s cool bark in my Nemeton whispering all sorts to it, or simply knowing the feeling of love and protection towards it.

For me the feeling of love for the Earth changes and flows with the seasons. I am usually overwhelmed with the feeling during late spring, early summer when things are highly emotional and sensory for me. Nature explodes into its full majesty and I am swept off my feet with overload of its richness. Summer forest makes me feel lost in the Earth’s glory and majesty and I often spend days in awe of its constant transformation, changes and endurance. I admire her at this time.

During Autumn I feel incredibly grateful for all the gifts the Earth gives us yearly. I can’t express the depth of gratitude I feel every year as I dig up potatoes and pick ripe fruit and vegetables from heavy ready plants. When I immerse my hands in soil whether it is weeding, digging or just holding some soil I feel immense connection and resonance with its heart beat. My heart sings with the flow of love and I cry.

In late autumn while many are saddened by the death of the Sun, I am very aware of the Earth’s need for rest and rejuvenation. I start feeling very protective in a way a mother would do towards a child wanting to keep it warm and safe. I want it to stay warm in winter, hence really wishing for snow, so the Earth gets covered and sheltered till spring. I want it to rest, sleep and longer nights are very welcomed by me. I am very aware of the being that sleeps underneath last year’s leaves and hopefully snow and I often walk very carefully when out not to wake her.

When the first stirrings of the Earth occur in February I feel excitement and warmth. I become aware of things developing and waking up very slowly and gently. I love that time of year too.

This relationship is ever-changing and ongoing. It growth in strength and awareness with each year and provides countless lessons as each season welcomes me. As I continue my love affair with the Earth I come more and more into myself and become aware of the love within me, towards myself and all nature’s creatures. The Earth/Gaia mirrors back to us a sense of our own beauty and wisdom. In her we find ourselves, we line up with all that is meant to be. This is always my experience and it is the most profound feeling of belonging and coming ‘home’. It is truly blissful. I continually seek new ways of relating and protecting what I love deeply and will carry on for as long as I live with devotion and commitment.

How does your love for the Earth manifest?