Flower deities

It’s all about flowers this week. Their delicate and fragrant pink blanket made me feel alive with what I can only describe as dreamy energy, as if a fairytale setting opened up in front of me and pulled me in.

After a long Pembrokeshire coastal hike I dreamt that I encountered what I now believe were nature spirits or Gods of nature, deities in flower form. I dreamt of all sorts of flowers, vibrant colours of pink, purple and deep blue scrolled in front of me like a kaleidoscope. The whole thing felt intoxicating and bursting out with bright colours. I believe I found new gods to include in my practice – flowers of spring! Something within me resonated with its energy and I experienced its delicious dance within my psyche through my dreams.

The following morning on the island of Skomer flower beings again took my breath away and like a child I could not contain my joy at being surrounded by pink paradise as far as the eye can see.
They are so alive and buzzing with energy quite playful, doll like, a kingdom of colour where the smell spreads around like freshly made candy. Something playful about it as they nod and giggle in the meadow. I never experienced flowers in this way before.

Pink and purple are my colours in nature, so delicate and just the right shade to make me smile and frolick and want to play and on another just stop and stare again with a smile. They give me joy and I often like to kneel in front of them and almost bow as they hang their heads in what feels like a friendly acknowledgment.

These flowers in spring connect me to a vulnerable side, a quality I highly value. They are fragile yet bravely come out every year for the world to see even if it might mean quite a few of them get squashed by careless walkers and some picked by mindless hands. I am sensitive to flowers being picked in the wild. There is just no need. They are on a beautiful display for us all to see already why take it from its rooting space, a space they are most happy and belong.

This new discovery of much deeper connection to flowers that I was aware
of previously made me want to research flower gods, nature deities associated with flowers and roles they play in each season.

 

Spell casting with music and singing

Opening up my Book of Shadows today after some time sent buzzing energies up and down my spine and tingling feeling around body, chest and hands in particular. I also felt immense strength within and had a desire to move my body. I am being drawn back into spell casting lately and what it tells me that there is a need, there is a blockage or a need to release, heal or transform. I love working out what my intuition is pointing me towards and I never resist following what I am called to do. My practice is 90% intuitive and has always been. That is one element that hasn’t changed.

It is going to be an Air element spell, a releasing spell, I feel, as I am getting in touch with breathing, singing, throat chakra, blue crystals and selenite for clarity of thinking and intention. This is about releasing a particular habit that is impacting on me again this year, at almost exactly the same time as last year looking at the date on my spell. This shows me a strong connection between what my intuition is telling me and exactly what’s needed.

Singing and music is going to be at the centre of it, so is moving my body here and there to shake off the threads of negative attachment, which is within my body. Type of music – whatever you want, a mixture of anything I feel, things that you can connect with and sing out loud, the louder, the better, as the aim here is to get things literally ‘off your chest’. Continuous flow of music throughout the ritual and spell, no interruptions.

Extract from my visualization while doing the spell last year:

“I saw the Goddess conducting an orchestra consisting of the Elements. I saw the Crone and a child (my fourth face of the Goddess). Tension in my shoulders and pain in my lung and chest on the right and my back (exactly the same as I am experiencing here and now). Child within me comes up when I am anxious and that’s what leads to the feeling insecurity and wanting an escape (the habit). I feel alone, unsupported, small. The Goddess gives reassurances here of a strong spirit within the child and a heart of a lion, strong, the girl carries an eternal light within her. Red Clover crown on the Goddess, she has short hair (how relevant). I am being told that every time the child needs support visualize the embrace of the Goddess.

When I was making sounds I felt rocks rolling off my chest, off a cliff and dropping into abyss below.”

Unwanted habit, please be gone

Leave me when the candle (black one best, if don’t have white is fine) is done

Candle burn to remove all ill

By the power of my will

Blessed be!

International Women’s day 2017

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Today feels like a Sabbat to me, a day full of significance and reverence. It feels sacred in some way with the energy of peaceful flow about it. The first phone call I receive this morning was from my father, as always. He was full of kind, warm congratulations and humour and I felt his genuine connection to the day and to me. There was also a sense of tradition and knowing about the ritual of the phone call and acknowledging the day by giving and receiving. I became curious about this new energy of significance and sacredness that is very present for me today, which feels in addition to the known and traditional like the phone call. Its presentation intrigues me and I decide to embrace it. Insights follow one by one in quick succession and I feel my chest spreading wide and open in deep breath and my heart vibrates with light and power.

I realise what this day means to me today, this year, at this point in my life and I reflect on what it used to be and how today is different. There are several layers to what is happening:

  • recently coming into an archetype of a mother and truly grounding in it
  • ancestral motives and influences
  • Druid practice of honouring ancestors
  • the energy of a new way of being this year and redefining my purpose and creating new pathways into my daily life
  • masculine within and my relationship to it

The 8th of March is my mother’s favourite day of the year. That was always clear and she adores this day she calls a celebration of spring. My mother loves flowers and she is full of love. She is often referred by me as the ‘perfect’ manifestation of what it means to be a woman. It is being confirmed to me more and more as years go by and as I, myself, get older. She always aligned with this holiday naturally and there was a certain glow about her on this day that I can only relate to as love and light, surrender, soft flow.

In Russia where I come from today is a celebration of all things feminine and all things woman. It is a national holiday and a celebration of the beginning of spring, it is about blooming of the feminine and honouring the power of the female energy. Men are very much involved in this celebration by taking on a role of a ‘worshipper’ of all things feminine. There is a romantic feeling to the day. Energies acknowledged and bowed to are a baby girl, child, sibling, grandchild, sister, young woman, niece, female cousin, mother, girlfriend, grandmother, aunt, best friend – no female ‘role’ is left out. This suddenly feels hugely significant to me and I begin to appreciate the deeper meaning of this day’s presentation and celebration. The whole of female deity is celebrated with men honouring a woman in all shapes and sizes, in all manifestations. They give presents, cards and flowers. I remember being in school and the class would be divided in boys and girls and the boys would present the girls with gifts and poems and when in high school there will be romantic associations with who gives who flowers, often done in secret even. Men are very much involved and take on a role of a romantic heroes almost in service to the feminine. This day is important to me in terms of what that meant in the past and how it is still celebrated in the land of my birth and how I can be part of it now and going forward on an even deeper level. This is what I am feeling today, a deeper meaning for me.

This year, 2017, is all about redefining the old, things we attached to and got used to for a long time not working out anymore. There is this need to renew, grow in ways unfamiliar and novel, explore paths we had never taken before. It is exciting and experiences feel truly new and fresh. It is such a different energy, which is present this year, which makes the journey very enjoyable and curiosity is always in operation. At the beginning of the year I decided in line with these energies to look at my spiritual practice with new eyes. I decided to flip things on its head and do something different, e.g. I decided to explore the Sun energy and redefine my relation with the summer (see POST here). I also consciously aim to experience my spring differently this year and really not succumb to ways of the old, which I am aware of. It is not about ignoring, it is creating something new alongside acknowledging the old. My intention of looking anew at my celebrations and rituals includes looking at each Sabbat individually and let it flow through me. So far, Imbolc this year was, indeed, different and it aligned for me with the New Moon and quick manifestation of my intention. It put me in touch with my inner power, my intuition and reconfirmed the support that is available to me through Brigit, who is always present for me at that time (see POST here). It also highlighted qualities of my younger self, my maiden energy.

Today, I am finding out, is another new thing that is coming into my practice through how I feel. My definition and confirmation of the 8th March and its meaning and also ways of integrating this day into my practice. It feels important and significant for me at this time. I am looking at honouring the Goddess in its four manifestations (see POST here). It is the day when I am feeling all four very present, united and holding love for the whole of feminine power. It is the day when they are not separate or playing out their roles in individual presentation, they are truly together today and this feels wonderful. I experience a child, a maiden, a mother and crone all together in one day, which points me towards celebration of all those within me and outside of me. In terms of ancestors and linking it with my new Druid practice of honouring, this is a great opportunity to remember my sister, my grandmother, my best friend and all females, who had huge influence on my life throughout the years and had passed. It is a chance to bow to their deep presence within me and remember. This is new for me this year. This feels big.

Today feels like another celebration to add to the wheel of my year and I believe it is here to stay. I go to my altar and I create a space to feel love for all that is female, for all that is power of love and creation, for the Goddess within.

Triple Goddess

 

End of winter Imbolc 2017

Imbolc 2017I sat on an early morning train to London feeling apprehensive yet excited at the possibilities that might await me at the end of my journey. I felt a slight smile touching my lips and became aware of a warm feeling within, which reassured me I was in the right place, at the right time. I continued by observation of passengers looking at their faces wondering what they might be thinking, feeling and where the train was taking them on this morning of Imbolc 2017.

Imbolc is my favourite Sabbat, which always feels fragrant with delicate scents of crocuses, tulips and daffodils to me. Snowdrops begin to poke their innocent white heads out of the ground preparing of the play of spring ahead. Those are the first signs of the earth beginning to wake up in the next few weeks. We are not out of the winter yet, but I always feel this energy of fresh, newly promised possibilities around me. I feel grounded in this day, which is particularly useful when today I am taking a journey towards exciting possibilities of working in a hospital with patients and other team members. It is all happening and there is a sense of disbelief that this is actually possible. The outcome of today is yet to be known, but I am filled with hope.

It wasn’t an easy ‘birth’, with a lot of people and energies completing for space and I found myself breathing into my heart with reassurance that whatever was to happen would be for the best. I resolved to being myself and presented with authenticity. It worked. I got the place and the manifestation of that felt so fast that amidst pure joy I felt overwhelmed by this new beginning.

Success and achievement is the primary happiness signature for me. It makes me feel expanded in all senses, full of joy and hope. I feel truly satisfied, a feeling I embody within myself. It feels good.

On the way back I reflected on my encounter with Brigit on the train and how real that was. She felt so present and free-flowing in her deep wisdom and knowing. I am filled with gratitude and love for the possibility of connecting to deities and their sacred energies if and when needed or called. Imbolc has been the most ‘deity present’ celebration for me so far when Brigit never fails to be close to me with her support and teachings.

Blessed end of winter!

Cailleagh encounter

cailleach

The Goddess connection finally happened at the end of last year and today is the end she called to me, or rather my need for her was strong, so I called for her.

FOCUS she said walking around me crossly, her blue body emanating freezing chill. Her absent teeth and croak language not understood by a human ear. She told me to put my head forward exposing the back of my neck. She made gestures suggestive of clearing a space and it felt good her fingers touching my skin. I heard loudly Lavender/Juniper berry and Lemongrass.

She continued walking and sat against a rock opposite me continuing to whisper words unknown to me under her breath.

I came out in tears from this short and intense encounter knowing the chakra Cailleagh pointed towards is blocked and I must apply the oils she spoke of to it for today and the rest of the week.

They all represent love, health, protection and purification – common attributes of these oils mixed together.

The chakra at the back of the neck or Ta Chui is associated with a sense of self, self-esteem, career and a place in the world. This resonates more than I can tell you. These are exact issues I am currently facing and filled with self-doubt and somewhat sadness about whether what I have achieved is somehow enough, am I enough? FOCUS, she said.

What I did differently this morning?

I played Celtic music and used Invocation and read out Celtic devotionals sitting at my Altar. It felt empowering somewhat and I felt the need within me to encounter the Goddess. When I closed my eyes holding on to the stone from the sacred land she came instantly. What a fascinating and beautiful being she is. It is impossible to describe. She smelt like earth and herbs with her bright blue skin and toothless mouth she wore a lot of animal bones and feathers in her attire. She was short and small, but her arms long stretching into another dimension.

Feeling humbled and clearly told. I believe she attempted to smile towards the end and said ‘Remember who you are…’

Blessings!

Altar work and Water element ritual

I tapped into my intuition this morning, which produced a gift of awareness of what was needed for me today and over the last few weeks. I have become aware of the need to acknowledge Water element in me. I realised I have been trying to get going engaging my Fire, yet this year my alignment with the season is different and it feels more Water than Fire for the first time in years.

Intuitive ritual set-up:

  • I was drawn to two ‘vessels’, which I reached out for, filled them up with water and placed them both on my altar.
  • I switched my red candles for blue ones
  • I put a feminine/Water element essential oil of Ylang Ylang in my oil burner and also in both cups
  • I put my favourite blue crystal as well as sacred stone back on my altar.

I can say the feeling within me and in the room instantly changed. It felt more flowing, but also grounded. This is why I really love my altar, it is such an evolving, shifting space, which offers an opportunity to tap into what is needed and represent it visually and physically, which then directly affects everything around. It is creative and intuitive and incredibly supportive and holding. Altar work is an integral part of my spiritual practice and I find the work powerful. My altar is a living being travelling through seasons and actions and emotions they evoke in me. Through reflecting my feeling and mental states back to me it serves as a therapist or a mother, whose messages like a mirror reflected back get internalised by my being and shifts occur. I get to see myself through my altar. 

My intuition didn’t stop there and as soon as I acknowledged my struggle with this month (POST HERE), insights began to flow. I am now called to travel to my Nemeton towards a stream running through it and make an offering to the Goddess, to Water element. I am yet to find out what offering I am going to make, but being told to leave it till I am in the woods. It will come then.

Ostara 2015 build up and release (Spring Equinox experience)

Ostara 2015

Blessed Ostara 2015!

I am currently feeling like jelly, floating through the air of uncertainty and peace. It is a pleasant experience of letting go, releasing and embracing whatever comes.

The night before Solar eclipse, New Moon and Spring Equinox was intense, I tell you. I felt my body constricted in tight awareness of feeling super uncomfortable, rigid and just wanting to shrink somewhat. I found myself sitting in one spot all night and being aware of my old emotional compulsive patterns appearing, e.g. ‘eating myself out of the emotional discomfort’. I didn’t, of course, not these days, yet the feeling was there, familiar, nagging, aching in every cell of my body. I felt my eyes tight and my teeth clenched. Super intense. Read More