A letter to myself

inner wisdom

I opened a letter today, which I stored in a safe place back in May this year. A letter from the Goddess to myself, from my wise-self, from my inner voice and spirit. I felt it was the right time to open it up and read it again and, as always, the timing has turned out to be just right for the messages, which go beautifully with the process of re-birth, re-integration, release and grounding in life.

“Dear Natalia,

Oh, why so sad, impatient, grumpy? Where is the light of softness? What are you being and becoming?

Help is all around you. Love is all around you

An embrace of your son. A reassuring chest of your husband.

I am also here always out and in.

What are your convictions, priorities, morals? What is the core of your religion?

You find and settle on that and you will find peace.”

This reminds yet again to take myself back to what I have right now and what is essential vs non-essential.

Have a blessed day!

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Grounding into ‘Mother’ archetype

mother archetype

Standing in the kitchen I feel a shift within. It is an energetic and a physical sensation of something growing and spreading inside of me and then ‘click’ it fitted in, it flowed into my cells, my bones, my skin and it begins to glow. Mother. I become aware of having just embodied a ‘mother’, my own mother, archetypal mother, energetic signature of what it feels like to be a mother. It is incredibly warm, supportive, reassuring and loving. It  feels like heaven, safe, and I become aware of smells and textures of my own physical mother. She is inside of me, in my bones, in my fluids and I can see her on outside through my hands. We have identical hands and every time I look at my hands I see my mother. Never before I experienced such a physical awareness and energetic embodiment of the mother archetype. I took a deep breath and smiled grateful for the experience.

I spoke about this a day later as I felt my face lighting up with some knowing, something that finally made sense to me, as if a small river joined a sea, things fitted into place. I felt it, I aligned with it, I knew it. What it meant to be a mother and the value of that role suddenly made sense to me after ten long years of struggle, deeply emotional, mental, physical and spiritual struggle of embracing a mother’s experience. In that moment in the kitchen I landed into the knowledge, understanding and most of all grasping the profound value of the role I played as a mother within my family and in my son’s life. It gave my senses a certain quality, real, palpable, something that had always been there, but blocked. I felt released from a grip of so many emotions. Like a bird finally was allowed to fly out of a cage and into fresh spring air.

There is now a promise of inner peace and flowing with the meaningful purpose without constant struggle, splits and questioning. Such exciting times! It feels like a gift from the universe to be able to experience this energy in its purest, truest form with no distortions or bits missing. The timing is also divine during spring, in March, the month of all things ‘mother’ and feminine energy.

Lessons in the ‘neutral’

peaceful communication

Having difficulty in communicating? Coming up against conflicts?

Take up a neutral position. You might know it all, but you might know nothing at all. It is polar opposites that cause problems and when you notice you have taken either one or the other position you can bring your attention to the mid-point. What if you are about to know everything and know nothing all at the same time?

Communication changes when instead of engaging in an argument you pause and observe what your body is doing. Is it pushing and pulling? Does it feel uncomfortable? Stay with that without going either way and allow for energies to settle. Actively listen to the other, observe their struggle in that moment. Energies travel from one to the other in the moment when one is still the other will also begin to slow down. Watch it in action the next time something prickly arises between you and someone else. What is the outcome? Disengagement from ‘being right’ and ‘knowing it all’ will empower the other to slow their vibration and energies settle for both. It is not disempowering you it is bringing the focus on what is grinding in the moment. Speak if you must, but use softer language, pause, let the other speak, engage with a smile, a nod, ask for a moment to speak. Engage in exchange of equals where both come from a position of their perception. Let your attachment to outcomes go, actively listen and participate rather than dictate. See if communication improves and both engage in the flow from the beginning, middle and end. Let it become an exploration rather than a perceived outcome.
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We are many parts

  
We are not one person. We are many aspects within one being. There are many parts to us and all are equally in need of love and attention. All carry a purpose and a lesson within their manifestation and knowing yourself requires looking at all parts of ourselves. 

We all have a child, adolescent, adult, parent, wise self, wounded self, divine self within us. Some of those split into further parts, some perceived as good and others as bad, or positive and negative. The truth is we are all of those and none of them are less or more, better or worse, higher or lower. We are one rich, ancient being carrying a kingdom within us with many parts that play a role in our lives.

From the point of view of the Elements we are all four. We are qualities of Fire, Air, Water and Earth. 

From a role perspective we are sibling, child, parent, adult, grandchild and spouse.  
We are the whole year with all four seasons within. We carry winter, spring, summer and autumn within us. We are animals, mystical creatures, plants, trees, rivers, caves. 

We carry spirit within us also, that pure part of unconditional love, peace, non-attachment and non-judgement. 

Different parts act out in different situations and scenarios in our lives. We are a mother one minute and the next we are a warrior. We are led to a particular path by our elder side and another is a playground where we are a child. We might sing like a bird one minute and the next we are in touch with the universe as a spirit. We pray, love, work, cook, teach, dance, flight and cry. We are all together a beautiful orchestra of different voices and a collection of qualities and resources.

We are powerful beyond belief if we look at ourselves as all of those parts and each is given time, attention and love when needed. We acknowledge what needs to change, grow or soothed at any given moment. We caretake our whole being with hearing them all out equally without rejection of anything and acceptance of all. 

Understanding sacrifice 

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I have rejected the idea of self-sacrifice especially after my being got fragmented post stepping into motherhood, which now is clear only came from a point of not fully understanding its meaning and purpose. It always felt like ‘what about me’? The position of a wounded part within, which always felt unseen and unheard, the part, which felt her needs were ignored and not met. Limited perspective.

It has recently grown into a wider understanding through looking at my mother’s life. I find it’s always valuable to look outwards for examples of self-sacrifice and what that shows and teaches us. There’s one crucial key to self-sacrifice and that is a firm personal choice and from there what follows is meaning making. They go together to be more precise.
On the surface it looks like she completely sacrificed her life for her husband and kids. It often begged a question ‘but what about her’. I am sure she asked that enough times herself in moments of despair and uncertainty, however, she always remained firm in her choice to self-sacrifice. We might ask why? And the answer is for the greater good, for better outcome all around, for happiness on a wider scale, which she could contribute to. It is her contribution to the wider good and her choice in sacrificing if necessary that carried her through life and, guess what, she remained happy throughout. It is from seeing others happy and content she drew her own happiness and contentment. That always remained her personal choice and one might even say her life purpose.

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How love heals…

  
How love heals 

Through the body, senses and heart space love heals

As he lays his head on her trembling chest she melts into the knowing of peace, calm and softness 

Her sobs subside under the grounding energy of him 

Her love ripples out as she receives love 

the flow begins from one heart to another

They lay in unison of their connection 

Deep, solid, ever lasting 

As he lays his head on her chest 

They join in union of sacred love 

~ Raw Pagan 

 

 

Dying gently

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Take my frail body into your warm embrace

Lull me gently into oblivion, not of dark Abyss, but of deep purple spirit

With space expansive so I feel reborn in the whole of the spirit’s grace

Take my frail spirit and reunite it with the eternal light

Not of endless joy and glory, but of human love and warm compassion

Let me bask my soul in the golden light I merge with for eternity

Take my frail body back to mother, back to Earth

Let her natural instinct wrap me in her ever knowing blanket

Of moist soil and warm darkness

I rest here now and I rest forever knowing I arrived to where I started from

I am home