Memories in the snow

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I woke up from a dream of being back in my Siberian land. Dreams that take me there are always set in winter. Most of my childhood and youth’s significant events happened in winter and amidst snow and remain the most memorable to this day. Sledging with friends in freezing temperatures when we couldn’t feel our faces, hands and feet, yet incredibly happy and full of joys of childhood. My first kiss, awkward, yet warm and sweet. The day I let him go also took place in the middle of winter with me crying in the bright light of street lamps and snow sparkling all around us. I remember my blue mascara running down my cheek as if it was yesterday and the smell of his winter coat as he pulled me close to his chest. I remember his heart beat as we said good-bye.

I recall ice-skating with my father and falling into the deep snow, up to my waist, in the wilderness forest. We laughed a lot. Another kiss takes me back to a sacred place where memories stand still and not just my own, but for the whole nation. Wearing white hat and mittens in a cream coloured coat I was deeply in love.

As I walked to the window this morning I was greeted with a snow-covered garden and land beyond. Beautiful. It continued to snow all morning and I decided to go into the forest for some nature and elements communion. I always feel it is such a raw, spiritual and necessary experience to immerse yourself in the elements be it rain, snow, sunshine or wind. Each element awakens something within, touches upon places that need to be visited to remind us of what is essential and where we are in life. Crunchy under my feet I found snow and pure white landscape stretching ahead taking me further into my memories and on a journey of seeing and feeling things I hold dear to my heart. Memories flooded in like a bitter-sweet river and looking around me I smiled also feeling a smidge of sadness in my heart. He is long gone, but what he left is a place within me that is unconditional love and to this day I carry it inside and always will. Forest was noisy with splats and swooshing sounds of snow falling off branches. Many trees were bent down under the snow weight touching the ground. I stopped and breathed it all in. I miss him still and I remember everything like it was yesterday. Sadness filled my heart, but it is no longer grief or longing, it is settled and contained, warm and alive. It is love, forever.

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2018 signature and theme

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Signatures and themes for 2018 are starting to come in already and I have been unable to stop myself from implementing some changes that I am being told to make already. I thought I start putting some of what I am seeing, feeling and hearing down.

The main message is ‘Do something different next year’ whatever that is and however small, begin to change something. In 2018 the soil will be fertile to plant that seed of change in, which will continue from this year, which has been very abundant in the offering of the elements and harvests. Conditions will be beneficial for those changes to be lasting and long-term next year.

This message coincides with further expansion of consciousness amongst us and that ‘train’ towards a better way of doing things is still going and there is still time to jump on it. When I say ‘new’ in many things we will find that it is more going back to old ways than doing something that had never been done before. We will be wanting to go back to basics, to the ways that always contained wisdom, something that had been lost over decades and centuries. We will begin the process of remembering. We will be resurrecting that wisdom with adopting ‘new’ ways and returning to what feels good. We will be changing. It is not a backward movement but an alignment with the wisdom that had always run parallel to the life on earth yet been in darkness for some time. Due to various destructions that humans introduced to the planet and into their lives changes required will be obvious and that might help, but most importantly listen to your heart and observe your dreams.

What is the direction that you, in particular, is called to take? Some of the messages might be very individual and changes specific. There will be  synchronicities that you would realise started happening a while back and led you to where you are now and the next step needs to be that big change that is now meant to be a natural transition into alignment with that calling, which will benefit your, others and the world in a big way.

Happy changes! Do something different in 2018.

Blessings!

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Beauty will save the world

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Can you remain unchanged once you lay eyes on a sunset over the ocean
Can you go back to the place of murkey greyness when you witness the storm
Off the shore of wild and beautiful land
Can you not carry with you the spiritual splendour of green mountains leaning over purple lands
Can you live unchanged once you walked barefoot through a fur forest of fragrant giants filled with sounds only comparable to haven’s voice

Raw Pagan

“Beauty will save the world” F. Dostoevsky

 

Holly tree releasing spell

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This morning a familiar energy called me into the woods. I woke up feeling whole, balanced and knowing I will be doing some restorative magic. After having a heart-felt conversation with a friend the call of the forest increased and armed with a small white candle and my charged palms (my hands buzz before doing a spell) I stepped on a path familiar on my way to the sacred grove.

At a distance very clearly as I approached I saw a face of a maiden (beautiful she was) outlined at the entrance to the woods, which then changed to a crone’s face. It made me smile and I bowed as I always do entering the forest.

I sat on a familiar Holly tree and created a place for my energies to be sent into a simple white candle with dry leaves around it representing release (a word also inscribed on my candle). Holly tree is very of the season and to me it spoke of unconditional love, resilience and protection. I invited all the elements to assist me with this work. Fire to transform, Air to clarify, Earth to neutralise and Water to cleanse. It felt just right as I recalled names of people who are in need of a release from a soul turmoil right now. Two people in particular. As I released the energy from my palms to all four directions I saw and heard the last remaining leaves falling off trees all around me and I saw a deer just a few meters away from me. We looked and acknowledged each other for a few minutes before he walked off. Deer is sacred to me and they symbolise tender heart, purity, divine energy and sensitive nature. I thought of both, my friend and my sister, both in need of reminding of their prime qualities. I asked for peace in the world and a release of all that is no longer in service to us. It is waning moon right now and the right time to let things go.

As the candle was about to burn out I picked up a couple of leaves surrounding the candle circle and burnt them in the flame and once done I collected it all together and buried it under the tree in rich, most soil. It is one my of my favourite spells, which can be adopted depending on what’s needed. It always feels great afterwards.

I exited the grove and the woods with a bow and on my return I engaged with the water element by taking a shower to reinvigorate my energy back.

Sending blessings to everyone!

The world’s gone mad… even more 2017

Below is something I wrote back in 2015 around this time of year and what I am observing is that I am beginning to step into the Fire energy around this time of year – Winter for me, unlike for many, is a time of productivity and Fire. It brings up feelings of injustice, crime against what’s good, fight against consumerism and robot-like relating to the front. What I wrote back then I am feeling again today all over my body, acutely present in my awareness and every day interactions and experiences. It feels like an overwhelm of madness of the world and everywhere I look or listen to I am slapped with it and it is not getting any better year by year.

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Today I literally feel the ‘madness’ of the world like it is sitting in my front room screwed up in pain and desperation. It is potent and it smells bad. There is disintegration that is happening within its consciousness that feels like madness and when madness occurs all boundaries are blurred and that is when it becomes dangerous, out of control. It has no longer anything more to lose, so it is released into its own destruction. I never felt it this strong before and its presence is felt in my body everywhere. I want to cry, I want to run, I want to stay and cry some more. Conflicting, overwhelming emotions running through every cell.

Today I suddenly understand my father’s struggle with the world, his anger and disappointment with the way things are. I understand it through feeling it all over my emotional body.

I feel the Earth barely holding it together. The world is going mad. Separation is a big factor, too much division while everyone trying to make sense of things. There is another way, there is only one way, I feel that can heal. It is LOVE, it has always been love, and nothing is as strong as that. We are all able to feel it, we all know it, but the problem is that many have forgotten understandably so, as love can also die a slow death, bit by bit it can slip away into places unreachable and that is deeply psychological. There is lack of love and there is lack of consciousness. What we need is the will to bring it back to life and for those actively engaging with love daily multiply it as much as possible in whatever way is possible.

There’s a need for a collective ritual of some kind and a big group hug. Start at home. Hold your loved ones tight, let them know how strong your love is and let the vibration spread out there into the world. Tell your child you are blessed by their presence and joy they bring into your life. You are in awe of their beauty and unique nature. You are immensely proud to be in their presence.

Tell your partner that no matter what their sharing of life with you feels like a gift every day. Let them know that feeling as one with them in moments of intense love is the feeling you wish to live in. Tell them how grateful you feel for the lessons you learnt in their company and thank them for making you a better person. Forgive those, who are not able to see through your eyes or hear your voice or see your inner beauty. Let them go with the message of ‘I love you and forgive you’. Sit quietly visualising the light of love spreading through your body and out in to the world.

Love is all we have, love is the only most powerful tool that we need to engage here in order to heal that creature on the sofa in my living room. Only through giving comfort and acknowledgement to it we can release it off its torment.

Many blessings!

Unbecoming 11/11

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Today I did something revolutionary in the name of freedom and what that means to me. I turned out a shiny, attractive job proposition, which on the surface looked like it was presented to me on a golden platter with all the right words, smiles and figures, but it lacked something. I sensed the falsity of it all, it lacked depth, soul, I might say. I could see beyond the masks of those sitting opposite me seemingly smiling yet the vibrations of impatience, irritation, hypocrisy slapped me in the face as I questioned them on each point they tried to sell me. Perhaps, none of that was intended and they were simply doing what they always do but I was different. I just didn’t buy it, I didn’t get seduced even though it tapped into my success signature, which is the happiest place for me.

Today I said no to a new shiny ‘prison’ disguised as a bright promise of riches and opportunities. It felt as if I was tempted into a golden cage, but my body felt twisted and tight every time I imagined being in that cage. The knot in my stomach and a heavy weight on my chest brought a sick feeling into me and restricted my breathing. I felt fear, panic, anxiety like before something deeply unpleasant was about to happen. I fought against it and as I stripped myself off yet another old layer I chose freedom. And as I said no to it I came into peace and a relief beyond belief. What other sign does one need? ‘Never go against the feeling’ – my father said to me today to my surprise. It was wonderful to hear him say that, which also meant we aligned on a much deeper level and what a blessing. ‘Never go against the feeling” is something I have always believed and knew within but not often said out loud as I walked through a life full of multiple cages. Now I can safely say the only way to know is to trust the feeling/ intuition and going against it equals going against the knowing of the soul.

I feel like I am unbecoming and remaining empowered on the inside. I also feel like I’ve passed the test of false and somewhat ugly temptation wrapped up in gold.

Only when you say no the real truth is often revealed. Something shifts and exposes from inside out, there’s a release and all the masks fall off. I want my life to be my life. I don’t want to sacrifice my soul in the process of reaching my dreams and dreams I shall realise one steady step at a time.

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A letter to myself

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I opened a letter today, which I stored in a safe place back in May this year. A letter from the Goddess to myself, from my wise-self, from my inner voice and spirit. I felt it was the right time to open it up and read it again and, as always, the timing has turned out to be just right for the messages, which go beautifully with the process of re-birth, re-integration, release and grounding in life.

“Dear Natalia,

Oh, why so sad, impatient, grumpy? Where is the light of softness? What are you being and becoming?

Help is all around you. Love is all around you

An embrace of your son. A reassuring chest of your husband.

I am also here always out and in.

What are your convictions, priorities, morals? What is the core of your religion?

You find and settle on that and you will find peace.”

This reminds yet again to take myself back to what I have right now and what is essential vs non-essential.

Have a blessed day!