When pain finds a home within your soul

painful emotions

In psychological circles this is referred to as pain addiction. This is real, lived experience for many. It is a state of being where separating pain from anything that we encounter in life becomes impossible. It merges with our being in a way that becomes familiar, safe, even sweet and impossible to imagine not feeling it. It becomes one of the personal signature of an individual, which brings all sorts of distortions with it. The process of unravelling is needed, deep diving into dark places, but mostly reintroduction of the light into a personal experience, as the light often goes into a personal shadow.

This is what it looks like when I tap into that part of myself still present although it no longer affects my life in ways it used to. It is now fully in my awareness and I know this character well, hence able to communicate with it and meet its needs if and when.

Ugly, dripping poison from its finger tips, so wrapped in its own pain it is second nature. This creature outgrown the most excruciating suffering that it feels at home with it, it’s learnt not just to be with it, it is inseparable from her being. It is very old, with bent and crooked limbs, long nails and grey hair or is it fur – both. It is animal-like with human eyes and deep intelligence. There is kindness somewhere there, but it is not apparent. It wants to be bad, it thinks it is a good thing, as it will fill up the cup of pain even more. It seeks the ritual and any opportunity to refill it. Like an addict it is constantly in search of the next fix.

Grown into my flesh it wears deer-skins and smells of wet mud and berries. Like an animal it claws into me holding on with a scowl scary and disturbing. 

I know it well and these days all that is needed of me is the acknowledgement it is there when I begin to feel its warm breath on the back of my neck. It is often present around my shoulder/neck area. It is very warm, sometimes feeling like a burn, but it also shows me some compassion these days and often sweeps away mud and moss pieces when it feels it made a mess. It is a child and an old creature all at the same time. It is deeply broken, but not unlovable and it likes to spread itself on rocks (I love rocks) and roll off them into a wet grass.

I often work with clients in ways of looking at different parts of them. I would ask when they begin to describe an energy that takes over them and affects their life. I seek to bring it to life with my client in a way of seeing what it looks like, what it sounds like and what is its behaviour before moving to what that part of us need. Many find this very useful and become curious about what else is within them that affects their everyday behaviour. When we make those characters real it is easier to relate whether we choose an object representing it, or we do a drawing or find a drawing that most reminds us of them or we relate to them through colours, sounds. However we connect with parts of ourselves it is about becoming conscious/aware of what takes place within our psyches and why.

Where there is discomfort there is an opportunity for change

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Potential is hidden within us all and pain and discomfort are ways of accessing it. Yes, staying with what is difficult in the moment creates an opening for changing things. When we are anxious, worried or feeling down there is a sign that something isn’t right. If we allow ourselves to truly embrace the way that we feel in that moment and hold our feelings as if they were our children we have a chance to discover things we run away from or parts of ourselves that have been needing attention to a long time.

Where there is discomfort there is a sign that an adjustment is needed in either our reactions, behaviours or dynamics. Some situations would trigger us into a place of dissonance, which is a perfect place to start, as when we know what we don’t like we can also discover what we do like.

Most of all we lack the ability to be with ourselves especially in moments of discomfort yet this is exactly where we need to focus our attention to discover who we truly are. A reaction happens for a reason, feelings surface for a reason and asking yourself ‘what is happening’ and ‘what do I need right now’ and ‘what does it mean’ can be invaluable. It holds a feeling, a vibration in that moment and we take a pause to look at it, to feel it, find a place where it is the strongest in the body and become curious. When we shift perspective from ‘this doesn’t feel good, I must pretend it is not happening or I must get rid of it’ to ‘this doesn’t feel good, I wonder why and what it is telling me, what is the lesson here’ things have different results. One way only delays the process that needs attention until the next time we feel a certain way, the other grabs the opportunity not just to explore what is happening, but through paying attention to your feeling you ultimately give yourself attention. This is self-loving, it is validating, it is acknowledging something is not right and allowing for a change to occur. Only by staying with we can move through something and come out of it with a different perspective.

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When ‘evil’ energies strike – protection from a psychic attack

clearing-negative-energy

This has come up for me this year like never before and several of my friends experienced it too. As predominant signature of 2016 is purifying and cleansing, it is of no surprise that the rise of potent negative energy will be experienced more, as it rises up in and around us from places quite deep. Another factor of the year is a very fast speed of clearing energies, therefore, we feel overwhelm of the fumes we consider negative and more likely to absorb it and experience it. Often this doesn’t belong to us at all. There is this energetic exchange that is happening between clean and ‘not so clean’ while we work towards achieving a state of balance.

Herbal infusions and essential oils might help in times of particular difficulty of shifting what might feel like a ‘curse’ or something quite ‘evil’ that seem to have attached itself to your being. It can be difficult to shift and might take a few days, even weeks.

I had this experience in September this year and turned to oils, herbs, incense burning, Earth digging and Gods for assistance. Depending on where you are and what you are doing the first thing, of course, is to become aware of something feeling not quite right within and around you. Some symptoms might be when you notice that things don’t go right in several areas of your life regardless of your efforts. You don’t feel well physically, experience a foggy head, up and down moods, negative thinking, a feeling of doom, wanting to escape that feeling, as it is very uncomfortable, loss of appetite or increase in appetite, if you tend to self-soothe with food, interrupted sleep and/or nightmares of particularly dark, unfamiliar nature. You feel heavy, hopeless and scared most of the time.

I committed to burning sage for seven days every day particularly asking masculine energy for help, as it holds the vibration of support, protection and courage – all the qualities needed in such cases. I also created and wore essential oils perfume including Frankincense, Lavender and Sage. I consciously started eating well, drinking more water and practice self-compassion and generally spreading kindness from within outwards (this one particularly helped) towards my family and friends. Beware of projecting out at this stage and hold it in your awareness and see it for what it is, something happening around you, which has nothing to do with others. You happened to be a match for a particular energy to attach itself to you, hence you are the one carrying it, e.g. you might have been under stress, your immune system might have been weakened and generally you might have taken your eye off the ball in many areas and became an opening for invasion, so to speak.

Many people report bathing in salts as a good thing to do. I would agree. What I do sometimes is first thing in the morning I go outside and throw a pinch of magic/sea salt (you might have your own blend, which is even better) across my left shoulder. Some also recommend sprinkling salt outside all entrance points of your dwelling.

Crystals that might add to a good effect of clearing the ‘bad’ energy out are black crystals – tourmaline and hematite.

Rituals outside involving digging the earth is one of my favourites. Find a tree you are drawn to, at its roots dig some dirt up and really feel it with your fingers and hands. Earth neutralises energies and transforms it into other things useful.

All of the above works better when used as preventative measures rather than a cure. It is best to practice awareness around your physical and emotional bodies daily and really tuning into yourself for any imbalances that you notice. It is much harder to ‘treat’ once an attack is already in place.

Many blessings!