Today I took my sobbing heart to dig some earth
With each forward motion I felt my pain release into her rich and warm body
I played and felt and digged and squashed the black softness of her flesh in my hands
I caught myself smiling as I lifted some carrots off the earth bed and like orange lanterns they shone bright straight into my heart
The smell of nourishment entered my senses
I bowed all the way touching her in gratitude to the release of pain
As I was leaving my heart weighed less with sorrow and more with content
Today I took my sobbing heart to dig some earth
When death comes I will not shudder before its cold stare
For I have witnessed bluebell woods at spring time
I will not turn my face away from its shadowy presence as my soul remembers the smell of hawthorn flowers
Embrace of a child as sweet as honey is in my skin’s memory, so death’s empty hands can perform its ritual
I will surrender my body. Take it. It’s ready. It has been a precious carrier of love, loss, tragedy and ecstasy, it knew it all, but
I will keep my soul’s essence, as I am led through the darkness into the light of myself
For I know the joy I felt in my life and I have seen the sunset with my sweetheart as the most sacred moment
I touched the earth with my bare feet and felt the sweet song of a morning breeze
I won’t turn away as I know myself just as death knows me who’s always walked
We will walk together hand in hand towards the next adventure with no regrets and only peace for eternal company
My heart is overflowing with gratitude for the spring air filling my lungs and the sun caressing my face as gentle as a feather.
The birdsong is wondrous and exquisite in its multi-tonal spiral of a whistle.
I melt into the earth’s awakening feeling and see the mother welcoming me into her embrace.
Trees are smiling with warmth inside their trunks and wave branches about in ecstatic spring dance.
Spring, oh so gentle and soft in colours yellow, white and purple. Delightful energy of calmness and tranquility.
I love how everything stops when I lie on the ground looking up to the sky through delighted tree tops and birdsong accompanies me into deep relaxation.
Searching for what I know not
The invisible, senseless, shapeless something
Grabbing on to nothingness of what’s there
Where? Here? Not now, not yet, not ever…
What do we search for? Meaning, fulfilment, purpose, love, joy, happiness? Moving towards having our needs met, things, adventures and people that make our lives full and our hearts singing, feeling useful and present in life, noticed, heard and seen. What do we want? We want to live and not fade into nothingness, that scary uncertain place no one wants to talk about, but let’s. It is not nothingness or empty when a life lived fully can be felt in our blood and expressed even in our last breath. Dying well, dying knowing and conscious holding on to love and vision to the last moment. Preparing to travel to places unseen and unknown.
Searching is a natural element of life, like a flowing river always on the run not knowing where it will end or will settle, but it does, I am sure it does and perhaps, then the flow begins again? Like trees stripped of their foliage every year come back to blooming again at some point. Trust, faith in growth and movement of life protects and comforts and it is jumping on board of the train seemingly running away into nothingness or river flowing into place unknown, it is that jumping into life that will carry us through and will lead us to whatever we are searching for. It is a journey of searching, questioning, which contains periods of peace and settled feeling, contentment, slowing down, picking up pace again. It is in the mixture and variety, colour and moments of dull despair and the darkest night there is life itself, which is the meaning of it all. Life is the meaning of life.
Who made the world? Who made the swan, and the black bear? Who made the grasshopper? This grasshopper, I mean- the one who has flung herself out of the grass, the one who is eating sugar out of my hand, who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down- who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes. Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face. Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away. I don't know exactly what a prayer is. I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, which is what I have been doing all day. Tell me, what else should I have done? Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
Its wispy white air blows softly into nowhere disappearing like mirage
One can see it with eyes fresh and open and awareness sharp
It is cold yet rejuvenating, waking up every corner of the body
One stands and marvels in wonder at lacy tapestry made by winter on roof tops, windows and trees
We inhale and exhale with intention and force. The freshness of being out in the world and breathing, isn’t it wonderful…
Winter touches our bodies physically as we feel its cold grip. Mentally it pushes us to awake, open up to possibilities, keep on walking to keep warm and in life. Spiritually it is the 6th plane of innocence, purity and utter peace when one is aligned with the whiteness of landscape and vastness of expansive space stretched before us. Winter opens up horizons with trees bare and making it available for us to see beyond its clothes and costumes. In its nakedness it stands honest, open, vulnerable and ever so beautiful. We see that skeleton, bones of what’s within and without. Our structure strong yet vulnerable and withstanding winter with its freezing grasp and merciless chills we withstand challenges and inhale invigorating energy of fresh, new and pure.
In winter things are born deep within. We nurture and carry plans, dreams, desires and aspirations like precious children asleep in the womb of our consciousness ready to sprout into the light with the Earth’s awaking hour.
Through the body, senses and heart space love heals
As he lays his head on her trembling chest she melts into the knowing of peace, calm and softness
Her sobs subside under the grounding energy of him
Her love ripples out as she receives love
the flow begins from one heart to another
They lay in unison of their connection
Deep, solid, ever lasting
As he lays his head on her chest
They join in union of sacred love
~ Raw Pagan
You touch my senses as I sit in solitude in the forest
Water takes me straight to the expansive lochs of your bosom
You contain and penetrate the essence of me
I weep, I run, I stop, I listen to the call that links my soul to thee
My breathing holds its flow as I hear your name and suddenly I am transformed into the old Cailleagh walking the hills and mountains with deer by my side
The smell of pit, bog, pine and vibrant heather feels like blood in my veins, warm and homely
The air in you is essential to my survival
My feet are deeply rooted in your landscape and my heart beats with every changing season. I wish to walk it till the end of time, till it’s my time to have my bones scattered amidst your beauty