Disconnect to reconnect

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Points of discord or disconnection in a relationship can be seen as opportunities to re-evaluate not only what the relationship means to you but also look at your role within that dynamic and whether what’s required, expected, etc. aligns with your deeper soul space. What does it mean? What happens to you when the other pulls away or pushes you away and vice versa.

It is vital to look at yourself as you are outside of your relationship and without the other. Even though we make commitment to a common experience we are still individuals with our own purpose and direction and if a discord points towards your neglect of self then it is time you stopped and gave yourself a hug or had a word with yourself. In any case what is the lesson that a situation shows you?

We often face a battle in a relationships between external and internal. External being all the cultural, historical, familial, religious conditions and expectations, e.g. An idea of a woman self-sacrificing for the sake of her man and kids and the whole family. Internal being is our inner most deep desires and aspirations. Our soul’s calling, e.g. Travelling the world, working in the wild saving animals or volunteering in a remote area somewhere being of service, etc.

We are often torn (I am talking about women here specifically) between two worlds and it is vital to become conscious of dynamics that create that struggle in a relationship. Brutal honesty is needed with ourselves and others and that would be the first step I would say after becoming aware of the rift within you. That place of confronting the ‘norm’ is scary, daring and feels like one would be criticised and banished. Here we learn how to stand in our own truth and what often happens, not always, that opening of our own concerns and inner cries invites an opening in others. It is quite profound how we all fall into a trap of being what’s expected and ignoring what’s burning within us deep down. We essentially ignore our voice and abandon ourselves. Tragic if you think about it. Breaking patterns of expectations is incredibly difficult. It is what I would call a radical change and that feels and looks impossible to so many. It is hard especially at mid-point of your life when many say, oh it’s too late, etc.
it is never too late to pick yourself up in a hug of acceptance and understanding even when you are the only one acknowledging it.

Tares in a relationship offer an opportunity for us to step back, to withdraw instead of trying make things better, smooth things over and/or rescue the other despite of your own pain. It is brave to step back and say ‘this is not serving me’, a certain behaviour it an attitude is no longer acceptable and often it would be the same pattern repeating against and again and the thing with patterns they can be broken. Will the other hear you? That’s another thing. When you find that voice within to express your non-compliance to the way things have always been what response do you get? One of denial and criticism or one when you are truly heard and supported. Either is a possibility but with that expression and standing up for your inner deep callings of the soul shifts are possible with or without a relationship.

We disconnect to reconnect potentially either to the other in a different way or to ourselves in a deeper way. Nature demonstrates this dynamic very well. Many of us are disconnected from nature externally and internally and nature is often seen as something scary and wild, something one can’t control. It is scary because nature is a catalyst for change and a mirror into our own worlds. It will reflect all that we seek to hide. It activates our senses in a way that we can’t avoid seeing and hearing ourselves. It wakes us up into awareness of the bigger picture outside of our everyday interactions, rules, jobs, the ‘norm’. Stepping outside of that is scary for many. When we disconnect from nature we disconnect from ourselves.

I often exercise going into nature when I am in a dark place. Yes, it takes some internal struggle to step into nature consciously when in that space, but it always feels necessary. I seek connection to myself when there is a struggle on the external level. Lessons are huge and very difficult material is often present, but one thing is for sure there is no other way. It is going through something and not around it that ultimately changes us and the way we relate to others and ourselves.

So if you are currently disconnected, seek to connect in a different, more conscious way and include yourself in that.

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Understanding sacrifice 

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I have rejected the idea of self-sacrifice especially after my being got fragmented post stepping into motherhood, which now is clear only came from a point of not fully understanding its meaning and purpose. It always felt like ‘what about me’? The position of a wounded part within, which always felt unseen and unheard, the part, which felt her needs were ignored and not met. Limited perspective.

It has recently grown into a wider understanding through looking at my mother’s life. I find it’s always valuable to look outwards for examples of self-sacrifice and what that shows and teaches us. There’s one crucial key to self-sacrifice and that is a firm personal choice and from there what follows is meaning making. They go together to be more precise.
On the surface it looks like she completely sacrificed her life for her husband and kids. It often begged a question ‘but what about her’. I am sure she asked that enough times herself in moments of despair and uncertainty, however, she always remained firm in her choice to self-sacrifice. We might ask why? And the answer is for the greater good, for better outcome all around, for happiness on a wider scale, which she could contribute to. It is her contribution to the wider good and her choice in sacrificing if necessary that carried her through life and, guess what, she remained happy throughout. It is from seeing others happy and content she drew her own happiness and contentment. That always remained her personal choice and one might even say her life purpose.

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How love heals…

  
How love heals 

Through the body, senses and heart space love heals

As he lays his head on her trembling chest she melts into the knowing of peace, calm and softness 

Her sobs subside under the grounding energy of him 

Her love ripples out as she receives love 

the flow begins from one heart to another

They lay in unison of their connection 

Deep, solid, ever lasting 

As he lays his head on her chest 

They join in union of sacred love 

~ Raw Pagan 

 

 

New Moon revisited

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I just read an old post of mine about upgrades I received a while back about love during Dark Moon period. POST HERE 

During that time the information I received was to cultivate the love within, make it grow regardless on whether I am in a relationship or not. My awareness of inner power and the vibration of unconditional love within became strong and clear. What I also felt, however, and yes, this is the tinge of darker shade I imagine needed to be added, was my lack of need for a partner. I feel that was thrown in there to see if I get confused, by-pass a few things and really get the message. Reading it back my perception of what the message really was changed. It was wonderful to have received the insight and a real felt sense of the love within me. I connected to myself on a different level during that time and it has stayed with me, but what was the other side of it? Did I really need to abandon all my relationships purely because I felt I didn’t need that for as long as I love myself? Do you see a slight distortion in the message that I perceived to be that way. It is a bit of riddle, which in this post I attempt to unravel.

With some time passed and a few view on that particular time and insight I can see the mixture of vibrations woven into what I was experiencing. It was yet another test, firstly, on whether I would be able to really connect to myself and sustain that vibration of self-love on a continuous basis. The second part was to challenge me to stop and think deeper into what was actually best for me and how that newly found inner love could serve me AND the other rather than ‘I don’t need the other, I am complete as I am’. Over some time what occurred in my life with regards to my life partner has actually been a deepening of our connection and love rather than abolition of all connection. What I feel now is not only love within, but deep wisdom of the Earthly love and what that means to be a partner, a wife, a life companion. It feels deeply grounded, safe and soul soothing. One might say my initial insight had taken me on a journey towards further discovering of how my inner love manifested out there in my relationships and through deepening connecting rather than letting go off it, my inner love grew and my wisdom became a guiding voice here on Earth. One might say the Spirit vibration got manifested in real terms in this dimension, which is the ultimate goal of spirituality and a struggle for so many.

The lesson of this is not to see things as they appear on the surface, but allow for it to develop, look deeper, give it time to really make sense in your body and in your current reality. There is often more to a message than meets the eye and we are often to quick to make a judgement and a decision, which sometimes is nothing more than an unconscious attempt to run away from something, a resistance to something.

Happy New Moon and cultivating new seeds of love and wisdom!