Disconnect to reconnect

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Points of discord or disconnection in a relationship can be seen as opportunities to re-evaluate not only what the relationship means to you but also look at your role within that dynamic and whether what’s required, expected, etc. aligns with your deeper soul space. What does it mean? What happens to you when the other pulls away or pushes you away and vice versa.

It is vital to look at yourself as you are outside of your relationship and without the other. Even though we make commitment to a common experience we are still individuals with our own purpose and direction and if a discord points towards your neglect of self then it is time you stopped and gave yourself a hug or had a word with yourself. In any case what is the lesson that a situation shows you?

We often face a battle in a relationships between external and internal. External being all the cultural, historical, familial, religious conditions and expectations, e.g. An idea of a woman self-sacrificing for the sake of her man and kids and the whole family. Internal being is our inner most deep desires and aspirations. Our soul’s calling, e.g. Travelling the world, working in the wild saving animals or volunteering in a remote area somewhere being of service, etc.

We are often torn (I am talking about women here specifically) between two worlds and it is vital to become conscious of dynamics that create that struggle in a relationship. Brutal honesty is needed with ourselves and others and that would be the first step I would say after becoming aware of the rift within you. That place of confronting the ‘norm’ is scary, daring and feels like one would be criticised and banished. Here we learn how to stand in our own truth and what often happens, not always, that opening of our own concerns and inner cries invites an opening in others. It is quite profound how we all fall into a trap of being what’s expected and ignoring what’s burning within us deep down. We essentially ignore our voice and abandon ourselves. Tragic if you think about it. Breaking patterns of expectations is incredibly difficult. It is what I would call a radical change and that feels and looks impossible to so many. It is hard especially at mid-point of your life when many say, oh it’s too late, etc.
it is never too late to pick yourself up in a hug of acceptance and understanding even when you are the only one acknowledging it.

Tares in a relationship offer an opportunity for us to step back, to withdraw instead of trying make things better, smooth things over and/or rescue the other despite of your own pain. It is brave to step back and say ‘this is not serving me’, a certain behaviour it an attitude is no longer acceptable and often it would be the same pattern repeating against and again and the thing with patterns they can be broken. Will the other hear you? That’s another thing. When you find that voice within to express your non-compliance to the way things have always been what response do you get? One of denial and criticism or one when you are truly heard and supported. Either is a possibility but with that expression and standing up for your inner deep callings of the soul shifts are possible with or without a relationship.

We disconnect to reconnect potentially either to the other in a different way or to ourselves in a deeper way. Nature demonstrates this dynamic very well. Many of us are disconnected from nature externally and internally and nature is often seen as something scary and wild, something one can’t control. It is scary because nature is a catalyst for change and a mirror into our own worlds. It will reflect all that we seek to hide. It activates our senses in a way that we can’t avoid seeing and hearing ourselves. It wakes us up into awareness of the bigger picture outside of our everyday interactions, rules, jobs, the ‘norm’. Stepping outside of that is scary for many. When we disconnect from nature we disconnect from ourselves.

I often exercise going into nature when I am in a dark place. Yes, it takes some internal struggle to step into nature consciously when in that space, but it always feels necessary. I seek connection to myself when there is a struggle on the external level. Lessons are huge and very difficult material is often present, but one thing is for sure there is no other way. It is going through something and not around it that ultimately changes us and the way we relate to others and ourselves.

So if you are currently disconnected, seek to connect in a different, more conscious way and include yourself in that.

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Understanding sacrifice 

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I have rejected the idea of self-sacrifice especially after my being got fragmented post stepping into motherhood, which now is clear only came from a point of not fully understanding its meaning and purpose. It always felt like ‘what about me’? The position of a wounded part within, which always felt unseen and unheard, the part, which felt her needs were ignored and not met. Limited perspective.

It has recently grown into a wider understanding through looking at my mother’s life. I find it’s always valuable to look outwards for examples of self-sacrifice and what that shows and teaches us. There’s one crucial key to self-sacrifice and that is a firm personal choice and from there what follows is meaning making. They go together to be more precise.
On the surface it looks like she completely sacrificed her life for her husband and kids. It often begged a question ‘but what about her’. I am sure she asked that enough times herself in moments of despair and uncertainty, however, she always remained firm in her choice to self-sacrifice. We might ask why? And the answer is for the greater good, for better outcome all around, for happiness on a wider scale, which she could contribute to. It is her contribution to the wider good and her choice in sacrificing if necessary that carried her through life and, guess what, she remained happy throughout. It is from seeing others happy and content she drew her own happiness and contentment. That always remained her personal choice and one might even say her life purpose.

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Yearly signatures

 As 2015 was all about building strong interpersonal relationship. All about love

2016 was all about intense shadow work, a type where we were given little choice but to face our individual and collective Demons with an aim to understand, accept and transform.

2017 is all about here and now, being present with yourself and life. It is about questioning what it is all about here in the life that we have created for ourselves so far. It is not so much about reflecting on the past but moving forward and thinking ahead with actively engaging with our present. This year is a great opportunity to consolidate and bring to active being, feeling and doing day by day, moment by moment. It is about creating steps and rituals which root us in who we are and what we are doing here. It is about meaning and purpose and participation in all things heart, community, work, relationships. No more messing around, time to really live! 

It is about the Sun rather than the Moon, about light with holding darkness in check and awareness. About blooming rather than withdrawing, opening up not closing down. It’s about being a warrior for the good of yourself and humanity at large! 

New Moon revisited

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I just read an old post of mine about upgrades I received a while back about love during Dark Moon period. POST HERE 

During that time the information I received was to cultivate the love within, make it grow regardless on whether I am in a relationship or not. My awareness of inner power and the vibration of unconditional love within became strong and clear. What I also felt, however, and yes, this is the tinge of darker shade I imagine needed to be added, was my lack of need for a partner. I feel that was thrown in there to see if I get confused, by-pass a few things and really get the message. Reading it back my perception of what the message really was changed. It was wonderful to have received the insight and a real felt sense of the love within me. I connected to myself on a different level during that time and it has stayed with me, but what was the other side of it? Did I really need to abandon all my relationships purely because I felt I didn’t need that for as long as I love myself? Do you see a slight distortion in the message that I perceived to be that way. It is a bit of riddle, which in this post I attempt to unravel.

With some time passed and a few view on that particular time and insight I can see the mixture of vibrations woven into what I was experiencing. It was yet another test, firstly, on whether I would be able to really connect to myself and sustain that vibration of self-love on a continuous basis. The second part was to challenge me to stop and think deeper into what was actually best for me and how that newly found inner love could serve me AND the other rather than ‘I don’t need the other, I am complete as I am’. Over some time what occurred in my life with regards to my life partner has actually been a deepening of our connection and love rather than abolition of all connection. What I feel now is not only love within, but deep wisdom of the Earthly love and what that means to be a partner, a wife, a life companion. It feels deeply grounded, safe and soul soothing. One might say my initial insight had taken me on a journey towards further discovering of how my inner love manifested out there in my relationships and through deepening connecting rather than letting go off it, my inner love grew and my wisdom became a guiding voice here on Earth. One might say the Spirit vibration got manifested in real terms in this dimension, which is the ultimate goal of spirituality and a struggle for so many.

The lesson of this is not to see things as they appear on the surface, but allow for it to develop, look deeper, give it time to really make sense in your body and in your current reality. There is often more to a message than meets the eye and we are often to quick to make a judgement and a decision, which sometimes is nothing more than an unconscious attempt to run away from something, a resistance to something.

Happy New Moon and cultivating new seeds of love and wisdom!

 

Commitment to happiness, commitment to self

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What committing to happiness really means is committing to yourself first and foremost, as the light within you is ever lasting and present to illuminate any experience that you might be having at any given moment. This is not to say that we must by-pass the darkness when our light is dimmed, it is more of holding that faith in your own light and its constant existence however overshadowed or hidden it might appear.

Committing to yourself is a path of joy, passion and purpose. The process covers healing and growth on all levels – mind, body, emotion and spirit. It is a holistic approach of looking at your overall vibration, qualities, inclinations, needs, preferences and ways of being, as well as unconscious scripts that play out in your life, unmet needs, difficulties connecting to yourself and others, unprocessed grief and pain and memories forgotten, as well as, intergenerational material.

Through creative imagination and dream work I recently came to an insight of my over identification with pain and became curious about the idea of deciding to be happy. What did that mean for me? It, firstly, meant I had to become aware of patterns in my life and scripts that I had lived by, then begin to look in every corner of where these things that prevented me from being happy got stored which included my body, my mental processes, emotional energies in the body and my connection to spirit. I instantly felt that my alignment with spirit is going to help me immensely in the process of ‘committing to happiness’, as it will inevitably lead me to my soul self, that initial light that I was born with.

I urge everyone to ask a question what does happiness mean to them and what does it look like? Explore your attitude to yourself first and foremost, what parts of yourself you like and what you don’t like and why. Be prepared to lay bare all of your ways in an authentic and fully accepting manner. It is the only way, as the flower must open to be able to see the sun. Also address your external environment and ask yourself questions about whether you are happy living where you are and how you can improve on that to assist in cultivating more joy.

When one decides to commit to joy, pleasure and happiness it must start with yourself, a commitment to yourself, which we often refer to as self-love.

Much love

 

Planting a Love seed at New moon – new paradigm

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New or Dark Moon is my favourite moon phase. During this time I always experience inner power, grace, quietness and softness the MOST. I often go through a period of sadness and reflection, which feels quite nice and somewhat necessary. It is a period I would describe as ‘licking my wounds’ while hibernating in the darkness of my soul with my inner light being present at the same time, very touching, awe-inspiring light. It is such an interesting energetic period for me that I find it is always productive in a way of new insights and processing of the old.

What is around me at present is the idea and my new understanding of love especially in relation to a male partner or a companion. There is a mixture of romance and also rejection of a partner for it is no longer needed I feel. It is a big shift in consciousness where I feel not only free and powerful in my own right, but I feel being with another, particularly who is not ready or on the same plane as you currently, will impair your development and growth and will slow down and dim your awesomeness, so to speak. It is sad times, as I process and release old conditions and ideas. It also feels liberating. I am not quite sure how this is all going to plan out, but to have received a completely new message about love, romance and partnership is for sure shaking things up deep within me and who knows where it will go. I am open to all that is meant to come through and prepared to receive the wisdom.

What is also coming through, as I literally feel my magic tingling in my fingertips is a need for a ritual and a spell and there is no better time, as now, New moon. With my redefined yet not crystal clear idea of love I am going to whip up some magic into whatever it will shape up to be. I feel it is needed in order to plant and ground that seed of love that I am creating. Something that will serve my highest purpose and also help others around me as a result whether we will receive clarity, resolution, a new surge of passion or a general relationship upgrade or nothing. Whatever it might be I am ready.

Redefined idea of love for me right now is coming through as – Love begins with yourself, it is a force that is very strong, it is a sensation you can taste in your mouth and feel running in your veins. You know this love, you had long felt it, got burnt by it, cried many tears over it as a result and you still in awe of the feeling of that love and connection. The kind of love you dedicate your life to. This is what you hold within no matter how it ended, wounded you or died all together in real life. It IS within you. You remember and know what it felt like as if it was yesterday. I am feeling it right now and can very easily recall it. Well, that feeling is in alignment with the source consciousness and love. The universe loves you and you love the universe. There is an exchange of love wisdom and immense power. It starts from you and when and if you choose to be with someone else and fall in love or decide to manifest that inner feeling of love outwardly on Earth, that is how you are going to express it, through expressing and sharing it with someone else. This is rare, I must say, in this earthly reality, at least I believe it at this point, but it is not impossible. Many chase this transaction and see it as only a dream and come up against obstacles again and again. On some level I can understand how this only looks like a dream when out of consciousness and direct experience. Many give up, but many don’t and continue to carry that belief that somewhere somehow the universe will send that one true love to them in order for them to express the love they hold within. It is a beautiful idea, but on the other hand, there is also no need for that other when you already hold the feeling within you and you know it and you are immersed in it and can be in it at any moment you want. Then there is no need for another, not really. You are powerful and in love with yourself and the universe and the idea of external love becomes extinct. THIS IS the new idea, an upgraded version of love…

My New Moon ritual will serve a purpose of, on one hand, evoking a response from the universe of what is coming up and what needs to be worked towards in a way of love/romance/relationship, and, on the other hand, to plant that seed of love actively with intention of, perhaps, reignite that feeling within even stronger so it gets magnified towards the Full Moon. It is sort of an experiment to see what grows out of the New Moon magic. I don’t even know what exactly I will be doing, as all my magic work is purely intuitive, but I am called and pulled very strongly to sit with all the insights and feelings that are being transmitted through me.

Why not do something awesome this New Moon yourself? Whatever you are going through why not sit with it and plant a seed of love or whatever it is you are experiencing right now or need answers to and see what grows.

Blessings!

 photo credit: http://shop.creepyhollows.com/

If you don’t know me…

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A Ritual to Read to Each Other
William Stafford

If you don’t know the kind of person I am
and I don’t know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.

For there is many a small betrayal in the mind,
a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break
sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood
storming out to play through the broken dyke.

And as elephants parade holding each elephant’s tail,
but if one wanders the circus won’t find the park,
I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.

And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider–
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.

For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give–yes or no, or maybe–
should be clear: the darkness around us is deep.

I read this poem this morning and sadness and a sense of ‘this is what happens again and again’ penetrated me. It is so easy to just carry on, go on with never really getting to the heart of the matter why we are here, why we are in a relationship with a certain person, who are we in relation to them and ourselves.

It is this journey that makes things more interesting, a conscious journey of discovering your truth and then shine it out into the world.

A teacher gave a definition of love last night, which I really loved. He said that

‘Love is a profound appreciation of someone just as they are’

It touched something in me that rings absolute truth. There is the next level, which connects us to ourselves and others on a spirit level where the feeling is all accepting and unconditional where one must be prepared to let something or someone they love go free rather than holding on to them in order to really LOVE them.

I think what I am trying to call for is a close look at your relationship with yourself and your loved one and see if you can really SEE them as they are and for who they are including weaknesses, wounds, shadowy dark sides, irritating habits and all their magnificent traits. All together as this colourful treasure and say I love you just as you are. It is that appreciation that sets the person free, it is that allowing for them to BE that unique soul here on Earth. It is from that fountain of allowing and appreciation they can then go and fulfill their life purpose and be a gift to others and the world.

If this doesn’t happen, how many souls remain unseen, unheard, untouched by the love that is pure spirit. There is this unique opportunity for each of us on a journey of relationships to love the other to spirit, to help them grow their wings, so they can fly free and be just as they are. It is a glorious opportunity to be with another and produce a beautiful union with yourself, them and the spirit.