My Light is in the Shadow

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This weekend unveiled one of the most profound and life-changing insights I have ever had. It came through a dream, which carried such a wonderful feeling of pure joy, pleasure and happiness.

I walked through an opening between two identical buildings. One I identified with light and another with darkness. I turned left, to the darker side and that is where I found myself walking through thick, virgin, lush snow. It sparkled in the moonlight, as I picked it up with my hands and threw it in the air again and again smiling genuine joy and pleasure. I played and played in the whiteness of the snow experiencing the loveliest feeling of pure content and joy in the centre of my being.

We often associate Shadow with negative material we suppressed and rejected, aspects of ourselves that cause us pain and are hard for us to face. We send it away to the darkest corners of our psyche and leave it there unable to revisit and unprepared to deal with it. Overtime materials that are contained within that place increase and often become a burden and directly affect our lives without us realising, so to speak, as it is unconscious most of the time. We see all of that as negative, however, what about sending positive aspects ourselves into the shadow? This is what my dream is about. My LIGHT is in the shadow. I banished my joy, playfulness, purity and happiness into unconscious dark part of myself due to those parts of myself considered unacceptable and bad. For example, let’s take sensitivity and innocence, which are beautiful qualities in a child, however, when you are repeatedly told not to be so soft, sensitive and given a lot of responsibility at a very early age, a child takes it upon themselves having to change, adopt and introject the message of ‘sensitive and innocent is NOT good’. This is just one example where positive qualities are turned into negative and banished into unconscious shadow.

In my case it transpired that I had taken upon myself to live in pain constantly to the point where pain became a way of being and tasting almost sweet that how familiar it became. I always found hard to connect to what joy and pleasure feels like, however, pain I knew very well throughout my life and related to it as the old friend that accompanied my on a life journey. I developed fascinations with the hardest degree of suffering, e.g. mental health and bereavement, the darkest corners of human emotion. I understood it deeply to a point of over identifying with it I saw no light in the world. Where did the light go? In my SHADOW…

Very polarised and split one would agree, so how one restores balance between the two.

The insight is the first step where unconscious becomes conscious and one realises this dynamic can and, in many cases, should be changed if one is to live a more vibrant and conscious life. At that point it is also important to take your power back and welcome all the unique and positive qualities into your life paying attention to each and every one, excavating your soul, so to speak, or parts of it with an aim to integrate back into the whole. In this case I am focusing on that innocence and joy of a young child, which was squashed and tainted way too early. I am spending time with that being playing in the snow without a care in the world full of pure joy and freedom of expression. As I write I can feel the satisfaction of that state sipping through back into my being. It is unfamiliar and I am apprehensive and the point is to familiarise myself with that part, which had long been forgotten.

Having said then when my spiritual awakening happened I remember experiencing the feeling of pure love that would bring tears to my eyes. I would hold my breath in disbelief that such a feeling is possible on outside let alone within me. That is connection to spirit of all things. I have experienced that again and again since the beginning of my awakening process and today have an easy access to that space of wonder, glory, unconditional love, immensely vibrant inner power and joy. I can only describe it as being drunk and floating through a space where everything is possible. It is like a veil, which is above everything else and it is bigger than anything else. In that space everything else falls away and there is a sense of expansion and awe, which is limitless. I follow my path of nature based spirituality because the SPIRIT is in NATURE for me. Nature was and remains the catalyst for my reconnection to spirit and awakening of universal consciousness. In nature I feel the balance between light and dark, I have access to both. It is the only place where I feel I belong, I experience my own power and I am familiar with all aspects of myself as a whole. There are no splits or polarities, it is all accepting. It is a place where I experience the biggest joy and wonder as well as deeply understand and see dark places, I understand the contrast and the purpose of it all is crystal clear to me. I feel whole in nature, there is no separation or rejection of anything. Both, shadow and light exist in perfect harmony.

To have received such an insight that ‘the LIGHT is in the shadow’ and has been for many years feels immensely important for the next stage of my evolution for the good of myself and the universal consciousness on the whole. My work continues and the time of this transition is just perfect.

The image to come with this insight is the white bird with black wings.

Let your pain be the wings that carry you towards the light!

I wish you all blessed transformations and a joy of knowing you are powerful beings!

Much love

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A Witch on the bike

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When I go on my bike I am instantly called to connect with all the elements around me, so I mount my trusted horse and fly through the woods, by the water, up and down the hill in the cool morning air.

Most of my musings come to me either on my mindful walks or my bike rides and today’s topics were of the words and symbols. I have been using the word witch recently more often than before. I really like it. There is energy in every word that we utter, in the tone that we use and the feeling that follows. The word derives from the Old English nouns wicca ‘sorcerer, male witch’ and wicce ‘sorceress, female witch’. The word also has some Old English and Germanic roots, which connects with the word we use today ‘hag’, which is what I associate with the most.

A hag to me is an old soul. It is not necessarily an old woman with white hair, as one might imagine. It can be a woman of any age, even a child. To me it is more about her energetic, intuitive sense and her understanding of magical ways ‘make-up’ that makes her ‘old’. The old energy is knowing and directive, feeling at ease with the knowledge of the deeper magic of the world and all experiences around us. It has an ancestral flavour to it and such souls, I feel, have visited the Earth many times before.

Ever since I was a child my mother said I was ‘not of this world’, which being an extremely sensitive soul I always took as her misunderstanding of me, non-acceptance of some sort and even being a threat, however, my ‘adult, old soul’ side proceeded in the way that I knew was right for me and that wisdom later on allowed me understanding of what my mother meant and her ‘wonder’ of me. She also always said and still does that she never worries about me, she knows that I know what to do, when to do it and how to do it and that it will get done whatever it is I set my mind on.

Even as a young woman I always felt beyond my years and I do believe that my being in the young physical body or my association with what a young body is never mattered to me. Physical beauty has always been of less importance to me in myself and others, either male or female. I see ‘through’ people, right into the soul and that’s what always matters. That’s where true beauty lies.

I have also experienced cravings for the old age, I see a huge amount of freedom in being old. I guess this is something to observe as I walk into the middle point of my life this year. Another association and my alignment with the ‘hag’ is my huge attraction to Baba Yaga archetype and the last quarter of the year. Samhain is the most exciting and ‘homely’ time of the year for me. I was also born straight after, in November.

So, while riding my trusted companion this morning I was contemplating the use of words in our daily life. This is something that came up a lot this week in my own work with clients and with my own therapist. The way we talk to ourselves matters hugely, as words hold energies, which we often unconsciously direct into people and things, which then affect events and our behaviour in ways that are not welcomed. For example, as I was exploring with my client earlier this week her situation regarding a job, I heard her saying several times ‘I already decided I am not going to get a job even before I applied’. She then got into a state of anxiety and panic and also an expectation of the outcome being bad, but at the same time hoping it will not be.

What we align with we get back. The universe is the mirror of energies we project and intentions we send out into the world. Most of the time this process is unconscious and that is the point that needs addressing, raising our awareness of our own words and actions. We explored my client’s feelings and her thoughts on changing a lot of words that she uses in her daily life and see if vibrations within her body and around her change. If we change ‘I can’t’ to ‘I can’ is something that at least opens up a possibility for things to happen and even if they don’t, we would have tried with faith in ourselves, however, if we block something before it even happens, that block will prevent a flow of energy towards the outcome that you are seeking.

Magic is all about intention and manipulating energy towards the outcome that you seek or desire. Using words in the right way and with the vibration in alignment with your desired outcome is very important. I like writing my own spells, but also sometimes when I come across something written by someone else and it sounds ‘just right’ for whatever work I have in mind, I will certainly use it.

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So, on the Eve of 2015 Summer Solstice and with the forthcoming demise of the Oak king we are shifting into the next stage of the year, the Wheel is turning once again. I have felt the looming shift for the whole month, which manifested in my dreams of ‘death and rebirth’, ‘bodies and babies’, feeling energetically quite vibrant, like something is about to be ignited, something new and strong and also sensing some endings, ‘mini death’. I had two clients complete their work in the last two weeks and I am feeling a few things in my life ‘dying out’, old habits that ran its course, a change of things around in my environment and building up new structures, like my new Healing shed. All is good and all makes sense in the world to me when I am in alignment with nature and its cycles and it is so wonderful. I solidify my knowing with a bit of shapeshifting with the elements this morning.

As I fly on my ‘horse’ through fragrant with jasmine and elderflower woods I inhale the cool and pure morning air and I spread my wings like a bird flying into the new space of possibilities.

When I encounter water and yellow lilies poking their beautiful little heads from the deep I become a frog jumping from one leaf to another with my feet touching the water, comforting and healing. I feel immense gratitude.

I become a ball of Fire with vibrant flames and powerful language of the masculine, as I ride with force, drive and full focus, which exhilarates all my senses and the inner dragon delights in its power.

The old tree becomes my Earth and as a Dryad, a tree spirit of the woods, I hug the old Oak and it hugs me back and as I feel enveloped into its warm bark I feel protected and supported.

Wishing you a blessed Summer Solstice, beautiful beings! I am off to Stonehenge and I can not wait to feel at home once again, at one with the Earth, the spirits, the ancestors and with who I AM.

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