Present moment surrender

present moment

Trusting the universe, all in good time, hard work and patience pay off. We all heard these sayings, but how good are we with a state of surrendering to the present moment really?

I have experienced this year in particular ‘a run away’ with my thoughts and emotions, that often threw me into a state of panic and anxiety and pulled me right out of the present moment. It is so very felt when I am not in the present moment these days. I feel like not just I am not living, but almost I am not breathing, loving, experiencing or feeling. The awareness in me is strong, however, thoughts are also powerful at times and push me into a turmoil of ‘what if’ rather than ‘what is’. I believe being with what is and really grounding in the present moment is one of the most important lessons again for this year. What is happening is that our awareness is becoming sharper and we are shown what we are potentially missing out on if we avoid, resist to what is currently happening to us and wanting to fast forward. It is also more difficult to do this year than before. That contrast in sharp awareness and increased difficulty in holding that present moment vibration is necessary. Things are highlighted so we really see what we need to see and also go beyond just seeing and understanding, but really feeling it with every sense. For example, my body is sharply aware of continual stress I am putting on it in the last two months, so I am physically feeling not great and problems manifest more and more yet I find it difficult to stop. When on holiday I was hit with sadness and grief when I realised I was not being with what was surrounding me and enjoying it, so my emotions were heightened as a result and as a way to show me that what I was being or doing didn’t serve what I could potentially experience if only I let go off resistance.

Today I am making a conscious decision to stop the run around, purposefully slow down, not to rush and allow the universe bring what is meant for me. I am putting my focus into surrendering, as it is so needed right now. One way of doing that, I feel intuitively, is creating a beautiful space around myself and sit in its energy for a while. Elements that ground me today and help me focus on what I am feeling in the body are soothing Celtic music, burning eucalyptus oil, which allows my airways to open up and take some deep breaths, as well as textures that I can explore with various crystals. When one is in touch with visual, smell, touch and auditory senses, I find it is beneficial to experiencing what is in the moment. We can also use words that we say out loud, a prayer, a poem or even a song, so we connect to the vibration of our own voice and really listen.

Blessings!

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Cailleagh encounter

cailleach

The Goddess connection finally happened at the end of last year and today is the end she called to me, or rather my need for her was strong, so I called for her.

FOCUS she said walking around me crossly, her blue body emanating freezing chill. Her absent teeth and croak language not understood by a human ear. She told me to put my head forward exposing the back of my neck. She made gestures suggestive of clearing a space and it felt good her fingers touching my skin. I heard loudly Lavender/Juniper berry and Lemongrass.

She continued walking and sat against a rock opposite me continuing to whisper words unknown to me under her breath.

I came out in tears from this short and intense encounter knowing the chakra Cailleagh pointed towards is blocked and I must apply the oils she spoke of to it for today and the rest of the week.

They all represent love, health, protection and purification – common attributes of these oils mixed together.

The chakra at the back of the neck or Ta Chui is associated with a sense of self, self-esteem, career and a place in the world. This resonates more than I can tell you. These are exact issues I am currently facing and filled with self-doubt and somewhat sadness about whether what I have achieved is somehow enough, am I enough? FOCUS, she said.

What I did differently this morning?

I played Celtic music and used Invocation and read out Celtic devotionals sitting at my Altar. It felt empowering somewhat and I felt the need within me to encounter the Goddess. When I closed my eyes holding on to the stone from the sacred land she came instantly. What a fascinating and beautiful being she is. It is impossible to describe. She smelt like earth and herbs with her bright blue skin and toothless mouth she wore a lot of animal bones and feathers in her attire. She was short and small, but her arms long stretching into another dimension.

Feeling humbled and clearly told. I believe she attempted to smile towards the end and said ‘Remember who you are…’

Blessings!

Wizard’s crisis or awareness in destiny? 

 This post is filled with questions for further work and exploration. Questioning is a good thing, sorting through what comes into awareness is a useful process for us all.

Accepting the destiny of a wizard… Is it for the greater good or is it really just for indulgence and encouraging non-learning of human kindness and virtue in others?
Is it your destiny or simply a boundary issue? It got me thinking. I became aware of boundaries many years ago and truly understand the concept, however even with that knowing I seem to be called upon in times of trouble. Is it something I am to accept and embrace? Love has been another big lesson. Unconditional universal love which doesn’t judge. Judgement is another one. Lessons keep on coming.

Is it right for one person to bear all and forgive all? Sounds Godly, right? But what if some people are meant to follow the path of unconditional giving, acceptance and non-judgement. Ultimate healers, who in no way are above others but simply slot into healing way of being naturally. No doubt ego of humanity translates it as ‘above it all’ message, which is incorrect. Does one let others walk all over? What is the adjustment point? Perhaps this is a period of time when one is called into awareness of looking into it?

One sacrifices all in cause of greater good and finds a way always to get back to themselves, like recharging in the forest or does one withdraw its loving influence when unappreciated? The battle between ego and spirit? Is it even possible to exercise that kind of love on earth in that place of high vibrational consistency or is there a point one burns out and manifests all darkness within themselves through taking on too much from others?

Is it the price you pay for doing good? Is it even good enough? For those unconscious it will never be good enough but is it good enough from a wizard’s point of view?

I watch Merlin struggle in his efforts of saving the world and restoring peace yet he remains unrecognised and unappreciated? What does he get out of it? He talks of his destiny to do this, he struggles with surrendering to it yet he knows it deeply, he continues regardles, however painful. Is this what all wizards go through ultimately for love and peace? He inspires me.
Doesn’t one rejoice seeing others happy and restored to balance? Is this something healers do selflessly?

Lessons hierarchy:
Boundaries

Love

Importance of expressing anger

Recharging through the place of soul (land in my case)

Not surrendering to darkness but embrace it in loving kindness (shadow)

Inner child (comforting and protecting that part of yourself)

Importance of a safe place

Importance of withdrawing into non-action?

No punishment or retaliation

Holding peace within

Wizards’ work is never done.

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Yule Readings 

  

I am offering readings for a short period of time just before Yule, in time to hear what’s coming through and what needs to meet with the light ahead. 

Customised and personalised to your questions at the end of this difficult year. Big changes coming and shifts are about to take place. 

I will use a mixture of tools, creative techniques and most of all my intuition to bring messages to you from the source and your higher self.

Message me! 

~ Raw Pagan 

Conflict and lessons of Samhain 2016

Special forces soldier in the fire

What is happening this year around Samhain for me is interesting and I aim to delve into reflecting on what this means for me at this time.

I feel angry with my ancestors, on one hand, and, on the other, I feel grateful. I find myself in conflict with two clans, it would seem, between family ancestors, my blood relatives and those going back centuries, more unfamiliar, unknown, ancestors of the land and spirit. I feel excited about learning about my connection with the group that goes back centuries and comes from Celtic culture and a faraway land from where I was born. Blood line ancestors, however, feel distant and I clearly recognise anger within and want to abandon any connection with them at this point. I feel sad, but I can’t pretend I am not feeling this.

First association is with my father, who I have become disillusioned with particularly during this year. My long journey of untangling and separating from him took a culminate point this year when he literally ‘fell off’ his pedestal. I held an illusion of him for so long. He represented what I wanted to believe to be true. Ouch. It has been very painful and as a result of that deep psychological work I was left with a void, an empty space, completely and utterly bereft. However, that piece of healing has been needed and I gained a sense of freedom, clearing, opening towards myself and filling the space with what I wanted, not something that had been put upon me. Let’s just say I am glad, but sadness of a loss is there. Perhaps, by default of association I also decided to abandon my direct ancestors from my father’s side? I do feel saddened and almost believing that whatever the relationship was between us all, what I believed was true wasn’t true and this extends towards them all on his side, so confused… perhaps, psychologically this is not so uncommon. 

On the other hand, there is this new line of ancestors that stand very strong in my awareness and I have been touched by them in recent years. They feel like teachers and guides from whom I can obtain wisdom of the world and the best way to live compared to being tangled up in often toxic family dynamics. Perhaps, this is it, perhaps, it is a reaction of my ‘imprisonment’ within ancestral lines, which had kept me in a certain position where I felt a prisoner I am now seeking to reject and abandon. Perhaps, it is not a bad thing…

Ultimately I have always sought freedom and independence and just being left alone to feel my way through life. I was never allowed to feel, speak, express or have a way of being chosen by me and I feel rebellious against my ancestral line that kept me submissive to their rules and dynamics. I merely refer to my personal perception here. Doubt any of them would agree. This would explain resentment and not wanting to honour or celebrate that side. Is it bad? I don’t know. Is it good? Possibly. It is confusing, but I am sure things will become clear as I go through the season of reflection and going within.

It tells me just how important psychological and therapeutic work is to the whole growth and development of spirit. Everything is interconnected and if we are to grow further and become conscious we must take care of all aspects of our lives – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.

read my other post on Samhain 2016 HERE 

Blessings!

The Universal Flow

self-soothing tools

Do you ever feel like the universe is against you? Well, it is not that she is against you it is that you are not in alignment with her offerings. She is neither good nor bad, she is always available whether you are going through a good period or experience challenges. She does not judge or abandon. It is being able to tap into all the resources that are available that will get you through or support you in the best way that is possible.

But, I don’t believe in this stuff… you say… I get it, this concept, like many others are difficult to comprehend at first and you know why? Most of the time what we do is we go straight into our heads and minds and try to apply reason, logic, thinking and that is the problem. The universe can’t be ‘thought through’ it must be ‘felt through’.  The universe can’t be understood through thinking, one must engage feeling. Those, who follow the calling of the universe, or align with her flow, have at some point in their lives felt that message. Through feeling something no evidence is needed, because one can’t deny how one feels, it is just there, it happens, you feel it, you know it. One can’t deny that knowing that something is being felt at a given moment. If you are someone, who had not yet experienced that feeling of knowing, the first step would be start developing your intuition and following your own inner voice. Become aware of everything you say, do, the way you behave and observe your surroundings and every time pay attention to how you feel. Your intuition is your best navigational system.

At the moment, I am not aligning with the universe. I am not. My head is full of thoughts, worries and anxieties and that makes me disconnect from my body, my feelings. What I find myself in is a state of stress. This is not good yet once you get into that cycle of doing and doing and not feeling enough, it becomes easy to fall into a space of not trusting the universe. We might even feel abandoned and forgotten and then questions like ‘why me’ start coming in. STOP!

What is needed is self-care, we need to stop, cancel all that we planned, stay still and put and use every minute we are on our own to nourish ourselves emotionally and physically. Our spirit, as well as our body need attention and soothing vibes to bring it all back into balance.

Techniques for self-care:

  • Rest
  • Sitting in silence
  • Meditation
  • Soothing music
  • Wholesome nourishing whole foods
  • Sleep
  • Water
  • Walking in nature
  • Just staying still
  • Use your favourite essential oils and crystals (very soothing)
  • Draw
  • Walk barefoot

This is not an exhaustive list by any means, so feel free to add your own favourite ways of de-stressing and aligning with that flow once again. Practice this regularly.

Image: White Magic Alchemy – a beautiful place of the divine